memos for everyone!

photo from the Boston Herald

1. Dear Knuckleball: We really like it when we have eight-pitch 1-2-3 innings like we had in the first. 25-pitch innings where we give up four runs on two homers, because you decide to hang in suspended animation over the middle of the plate, instead of dancing aimlessly like a butterfly? Yeah, that's not the game plan. Work with me here, ok? Thanks. --Timmy Knuckles

2. Dear JD Drew: Dude. I appreciate your effort, but if you're going to play right field in Fenway, you really have to be aware of your surroundings, especially as prone to injury as you are. That was a nice attempt to grab that ball Brandon Inge whacked out of the park, and you actually took a good route toward it this time, but cracking your back on that wall on there will never feel good. These guys have no patience for occasional trips to the DL, no matter how loyal you are to your team, so unless you are ready to sacrifice body & comfort to keep yourself off it, you better memorize every subtle nuance of that crazy corner. Sleeping out there during home stands gave me an added edge. Best of luck out there. You'll need it if you end up on the DL, trust me. --Trot
PS. You really should have asked for a different number when they offered you the 7 jersey. It was still warm from being worn by *me*.


3. Dear Self: These opposing pitchers take enough potshots at you. Try to avoid fouling the ball off yourself in the future. It freaking *hurts*. --Youk

4. Dear Youk: You are so awesome. I may need to make you my new best friend. Daisuke is in a whole different zone, man, now that he's getting in his pitching routine, so he doesn't have time for hanging out anymore. And Manny won't stop rubbing my head. It's getting a little weird, even for me. Did you see the way I helped you when you were coming in toward the dugout to catch that foul pop in the fourth?? It's just like when we're on the field, and I help to direct you to where the ball is & how to best get to the base for the out! Come sit over by me next time you're in the dugout, ok? --Julian

5. Dear Manny: That was a heck of a throw you made from left field to assist in getting Pudge out at the plate to end that inning. Meatball subs are on me tonight. --Dougie

6. Dear Mike Lowell: You are a vacuum cleaner over there at third. Thanks for backing me up out there tonight. Do you think you could teach that guy at short stop how to actually field a ball though? --Tim Wakefield

7. Dear Justin Verlander: Whoa. Now we understand why you were AL Rookie of the Year in 2006. Do us a favor & switch back to walking a bunch of our guys like you did last year, ok? Much appreciated. --RSN

8. Dear Kenny Rogers: You're on the DL with a tired arm?! What the hell is that?? The least you can do is call it shoulder tendinitis. --Mike Timlin

9. Dear Bats: I know I didn't have my best game last night. I *really* could have used a little help evening up the score again after that mess of a third inning. I've brought it every single time I start & this is the way you support me? It's not like I don't live up to my end of the bargain. You don't get the second best ERA in the American League without pitching well, you know. Thanks for nothing. Again. --Wakey
PS. Dougie, I thought we had an agreement?? You're supposed to wake those freaking sleepers up by making them look foolish when you can go yard & they can't even connect the bat to the ball. No chicken parm dinner tonight, buddy. Maybe next time. Tonight, it's all for Youk, since he scored the only two Red Sox runs & all.

10. Dear Detroit Tigers: We did not very much enjoy you beating up on us 7-2. I'm not sure who this guy is that you have starting tonight, but we plan on "accidentally" calling Julian "Rudy Seanez" several times before game time. Get him really fired up. Watch your backs. This guy walks a fine line between between passionate & just plain out of his mind. See you at 7:05. --the Boston Red Sox