Saturdays Are for Weddings: Some Details

Wedding date:
September 29, 2012

Why did you choose this date?
My favorite season is the autumn, so I wanted a fall wedding, but I also wanted to honor my Gram and Gramp, who were married September 30, 1940. Unfortunately, 2012 was a Leap Year, so the 30th jumped Saturday. We didn't want to make our already traveling guests plan for a Sunday wedding, so we went with the 29th.

Wedding location: 
Both the ceremony and reception took place at Port of York on the US Coast Guard Training Center base in Yorktown, Virginia.



Why did you choose this location?
We chose Virginia because we knew almost all of our guests would be forced to travel to attend the wedding. This was a "halfway point" for most of them, plus we felt we weren't asking anything of our guests that we weren't also doing ourselves, since we had to make a thirtenn hour drive there. This specific location came about after Hurricane Ireme flooded T's sister's yard (our original location) and she worried what would happen if bad weather hit for the wedding. She was the one who suggested Port of York, so that's what we went with. The site was beautiful, looking out over the York River.

Approximate guest count: 
We invited 92. 36 attended. It didn't matter how small our group was, we had a ton of fun!

How would you describe your wedding?
Intimate. Filled with people we love. Lots of dancing. Lots of laughter. So much fun.





What lessons did you learn from planning or from the wedding itself?
Don't be afraid to take help when it is offered. Don't exclude the groom--it's his day too. Everyone will have an opinion on what you should or shouldn't do--learn to use a brain filter, because it's *your* day and, while you want your guests to enjoy it, it's not really about the party, and those who love you will find a way to have fun celebrating you.

What inspired you while you were planning your wedding?
I looked at a roughly a million wedding blogs, wedding photography blogs and pins on Pinterest. The magazines just didn't offer what I was looking for. But I also had a vision in my mind of what "theme" I wanted to use, so I was mostly looking for ideas on how to execute what I was imagining, more than anything else.

What was the theme of your wedding?
If I had to call it something, it would be "Fall Classic." To describe it, it was autumn colors, autumn flowers, soft but not ultra feminine, with a touch of baseball thrown in (subtle, not like a little boy's birthday party). I really think it was so perfectly us. It came out even better than I hoped.





Did you include any traditions in your wedding?
We had a very traditional format for our ceremony, including my dad walking me down the aisle and giving me away. (No candle lighting or sand blending or anything like that though.) I had my "something old, something new..." We had a father-daughter dance and fed each other cake. All the typical stuff.

What was unique about your wedding?
Well, I had no designated maid/matron of honor. I just couldn't choose between my three closest girls, so they were all my honor attendants. We had an unequal wedding party--three girls for me, two guys for T--so one of the guys got to escort two girls. We did a bridal party dance after our first dance, but instead of pairing up people from the wedding party, we had each person dance with their significant other (except for one of my girls and one of T's guys, whose spouses were unable to attend, so they danced with each other). Instead of a traditional cake, we did cupcakes for dessert. No garter or bouquet toss--I have never been a fan of that tradition, which always made me feel like my unmarried status was being spotlighted--gee, thanks.



What was your favorite moment of the day?
The Kiss.


But also, when we were being introduced at the reception, as we walked past the appetizer table, T reached out a hand, snagged a bacon-wrapped scallop and popped it into his mouth. I could not stop laughing.



What were your top five favorite things about your wedding?
1. The song we used for our first dance. "In the Shape of Us," by Ian Britt. It was important to me that the words suited us and once I heard this song, I knew it was what I wanted. (Lucky for me, T agreed.) The problem with this is that you have to try not to cry while you're dancing to it.


2. My flowers. Oh, how I love the flowers.




3. My girls' dresses. I love the color red, especially with the flowers, and I adore the dresses they chose. (I picked the color and they were free to choose a dress that suited them individually.)




4. They were a last minute addition to the decor, but we lined the aisle with this black lanterns, wrapped in autumn foliage, and they really just brought the whole ceremony site together.


5. Watching how much fun our guests were clearly having. I don't know if I have ever laughed so much before in my life, but I am certain I have never danced more!



What were your "something old, something new...?"
Something old: An original key to my grandparents' kitchen door--a key I must have turned thousands of times, growing up--tied into my bouquet.
Something new: A hairclip that my online friend, Valerie, made for me out of a piece of my dress that we removed.
Something borrowed: One of my girls, Alison, loaned me a diamond tennis bracelet that had belonged to her grandmother.
Something blue: Looking at my color palette (apple red, chocolate brown, coppery orange), blue just did NOT belong, so I painted my toes silver with a coat of blue glitter on top! It was simple, it was subtle, you didn't see it unless I showed you, but I still had my blue.

What was the best piece of wedding advice you received?
Steal away with your groom for a few minutes, just the two of you, and watch your guests from a distance. In the midst of being pulled in every direction, it was exactly what I needed to have a few quiet minutes alone with him.

Any other words of wisdom?
Don't spend so much time comparing your wedding to anyone else's. It's a reflection of you, as a couple, which means it doesn't have to look like any other wedding. It should look like the two of you.

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Swoon worthy.

Confession: I get a little thrill every time I see that ring on his hand.




You pull me in and I'm a little more brave
It's a first kiss
It's flawless
Really something...
It's fearless
("Fearless," Taylor Swift)

Confession: That kiss? Totally spontaneous. And the best kiss ever.

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Saturdays Are for Weddings: Looking Back

Quite honestly, one of the best days ever. I am still letting it sink in. Be back soon with some thoughts...

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This Saturday, there is a wedding.

Have you ever wished for an endless night?
Lassoed the moon and the stars 
And pulled that rope tight?
Have you ever 
Held your breath 
And asked yourself 
Will it ever get better than tonight?
("Glitter in the Air," Pink)



(photo  taken by Chele, edited by Andie Smith)

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Saturdays Are for Weddings: 1 Week

I had grand delusions of posting some wedding-related (specific to ours) trivia questions, with the answers coming post-event. Delusions because no bride has time to dream this sort of thing up a week before throwing a huge party, never mind one that is juggling some last minute changes and a making a 900-mile trip to her own Big Day.

Suffice to say I am stressing about some things, whipping together the final details, packing for a week in Virginia, coordinating between vendors, and very much ready for this day to be here. I will just share the trivia and details...later.

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Saturdays Are for Weddings: 2 Weeks

When I was a little (and not-so-little) girl, Gram used to tell me that I wasn't allowed to date until I was 29 and that I couldn't get married until I was 35. With hindsight and all that, I have many times wished I had listened to that first part. I could have saved myself a lot of hard lessons. However, it occurred to me that when we say that 'we do,' I will be 13 days shy of turning 36 years old.

Well played, Gram.

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Saturdays Are for Weddings: 3 Weeks

Nervous.
Excited.
Overwhelmed.
Busy.
Organized.
Anxious.
Thrilled.
Content.
Frustrated.
Stumped.
Pleased.

Ready.

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Saturdays Are for Weddings: 4 Weeks

Last Sunday, at church, the theme of the sermon was marriage. This obviously is something that caught my ear. T and I have a pretty even keel relationship. We hardly ever argue or disagree. Not because we're perfect people, but because I think we're pretty good at communicating with each other. One of the things the pastor said was that every couple should have a good fight before they get married, just to prove you can work through stormy waters and come out the other side.

There is more to a good relationship, though, than surviving a big argument. What I took most to heart is that a good marriage is found not in what you get from your spouse but what you give them. If you're in a strong relationship, you don't need to be selfish, because while you're giving to them, they're giving back to you. It's not always an even trade off; sometimes one person needs a little more -- a little more help, a little more grace, a little more compassion -- but in the end, it all balances out. You should also be fully invested in celebrating their joys, easing their burdens, and building them up...not in demanding all the glory, wanting your life to be made easier, or tearing them down because they haven't lived up to lofty, unrealistic expectations. Human beings, even those who love you deeply, will disappoint you now and then. Starry-eyed romantic love doesn't want to see or acknowledge this, but the sooner you learn to spend less time nit-picking their weaknesses and more time appreciating their strengths, the stronger your relationship will grow deep roots.

I think one of my favorite parts of our relationship is that we already do many of these things. I make a conscious effort to thank T for little things he does, not because he looks for the praise, but because I want him to know that I see and that I don't take it for granted. And for all the times I am less than pleasant, less than motivated, less than the person I ought to be, I am lucky enough that T doesn't dwell on those things. No, I won't try to pretend we're perfect. No good comes from that kind of delusion. But it sure was nice to hear these foundation cornerstones listed and to realize these are things we already do far more often than not, and when we fail, we aren't afraid to apologize and try harder. Affirmation that this decision to commit to one another is not one we're entering lightly or without a solid base upon which to build.

That's a pretty good thing to know as we enter the final weeks leading up to the wedding.

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Saturdays Are for Weddings: 5 Weeks

I'm ready for this to be over. The planning and the chasing RSVPs and the eleventy billion details that are balanced like a house of cards. I really just want the part where I say my vows and all this nonsense is nothing but static. Don't get me wrong, there are details that make me smile, because I love them, and people I am thrilled will be there (hopefully) but there is no "enjoying the process"...but ... (No one wants to read all my whiny, hormonal ranting over things that ultimately don't matter, so we'll skip it. Poor T has already found himself on more than his fair share of drivel for things that *he* has not done. I am tired of myself.)

...I will enjoy making promises to that man. And whoever shows up and whatever they eat and however the details work or fail, I will still be married to a wonderful guy. That's the part I can't wait to get to, not the party or being a princess for a day. Just the part where I am *his* princess. The way I already feel every day.

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Saturdays Are for Weddings: 6 Weeks

For the past too many weeks, T and I have declared we needed to go shopping for wedding rings. And then something else came up or nothing else came up, and we just hadn't gotten there. *This* week, though, we knew we had to get it done or risk pressing our luck that we'd have wedding rings by the time we pull our of Dodge and head north for The Big Event.

We went to Jared. (Yeah, I know, those commercials irritate me too, but while browsing online to see who had what, Jared's selection and prices won.) I cannot speak highly enough of the treatment we received. The sales manager was helpful but not at all pushy. He just let us point out rings we wanted to see and never tried to prod out toward any specific price range. That gets high marks in my book.

First, we found T's, which fit him right out of the case. It was the only one he tried on. Mine took a little longer, because I had a very specific goal in mind: I didn't want it to overpower my engagement ring, which is a very understated setting (which I happen to love). T also didn't want me to go with a plain band, since he felt the engagement ring's simplicity would end up making the combination look bland. I finally found the one I liked...which fit me perfectly right out of the case as well! If that isn't a sure sign that you've made the correct choice, I don't know what is.

We could have walked out of the store right then with our little bag of rings, but for a very agreeable amount of money, my engagement ring got all cleaned up, as well as a fresh, shiny new rhodium coating so she would sparkle on my wedding day. (She needed it badly, after a year of daily wear-and-tear.) So we left her in their capable hands for an hour and went to Olive Garden for some soup, salad and bread sticks.

The best part is that for a ridiculously small amount of money, my wedding band is insured for life--cleanings, rhodium plating, repair, replacement of diamonds--as long as I bring it in every six months. It's a bit of a hike from home, but it's not far at all from Disney, so I will just make it part of a Disney trip every six months. Easy peasy!

What wasn't easy? T's truck deciding it was going to be time for a new transmission on the way home.

And there you have it: the ups and downs of being a grown-up.

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Saturdays Are for Weddings: 7 Weeks

I strongly recommend taking a break from the whole process and spending a few days relaxing somewhere far, far away from the word "wedding."

Four days in San Francisco for me with two of my favorite people.

(Ok, we didn't completely take a vow of wedding-related silence. Nichole and I shopped for wedding jewelry for us girls yesterday.)

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Saturdays Are for Weddings: 8 Weeks

I was filling out a vacation request form at work this past week. It's for a couple of days off in October. I started laughing because I didn't know if I should use my last name or T's, because, well...by then, I will have a new last name.

I am going to need to learn to sign with a new last name. Which means my signature is going too look like a third grader's for a good chunk of time. I've tried it and the first letter of T's last name does not flow as nicely from my middle initial as mine does.

I *will* be changing my last name. Traditional is just how I roll. Plus, I will not miss spelling and pronouncing my last name for everyone on the planet. If you butcher T's last name, you cannot possibly be familiar with the English language.

Now I know why people get married younger than this. After just shy of 36 years with one name, I'm going to have a whole new one. It's weird. Awesome, but so weird.

Eight weeks. Clock is ticking.

Signing out to peer into the mailbox, waiting for the other half of my responses to materialize.

p.s. Less than two weeks til *that* deadline. Then I can finally tackle my remaining To Do List. Lesson learned: I will never delay responding to a wedding invitation again. It's makes the bride a crazy lunatic. She wants a head count and she wants it now. Even if the due date is still two weeks out and you aren't late.

Note to self: Speaking of delaying...we really should go get rings.

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Saturdays Are for Weddings: 9 Weeks

I have read my fair share of blogs, magazine pieces and books. Women on the brink of huge life changes--like weddings and giving birth--frequently mention that they start have weird dreams related to the impending event. I've had some life-altering events in my life, though neither of these in particular, but I can't say I've ever started dreaming about them. (At least not that I can recall upon waking.) So I chalked it up to "one of those things other women do for which I am missing the proper gene in one of my X chromosomes," like, for example, shoe shopping.

And then.

Hello, crazy dreams!

Of the two I can vividly remember, the first went something like this: Positively everything went wrong. The minister didn't show up. I showed up but I wasn't wearing my dress. Only five people actually came to the wedding. I hadn't given the venue my final headcount. No one could find the flowers. It was just one thing after another. And while everyone around me was freaking the heck out, I looked at Troy and said "Whatever, let's just get married."

In the other, I was in my hotel room, trying to get ready for the wedding. There were people buzzing around everywhere, getting themselves ready and fussing over me (which really just stresses me out) (fuss over me, that is, not getting themselves dressed). And for some reason, my giant phone with the switchboard that sits on my desk at work was sitting on the bed. Ringing. Non-stop. My phone has a caller id screen on it and the screen kept showing that one of my co-workers was calling me from his desk over and over. I kept answering it only for him to ask me for a rootbeer. I had some choice words for him the fifth time he phoned in his request. I confronted him about this at work the following morning (for real, not in my dream) and here's the part that gives me the heebiejeebies: He hasn't had a rootbeer in years; Sprite is his soda of choice. But the night before, they were out of it at his house, so he had some of the "special treat" soda they had bought for their daughter. Rootbeer. What now??

I think I'm going to go back to staring at my mailbox, willing the last half of the response cards to appear.

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Saturdays Are for Weddings: 10 Weeks

This past Sunday, my mother and stepfather threw a Jack and Jill for us. I got to hug some really awesome people that I haven't seen in varying degrees of far too long.






(photo by Dan Kane Photos)

I got to dance with my Dad.

(photo by Dan Kane Photos)

And then there was this...
(photo by Dan Kane Photos)

I get to the be the one he looks at like that. How lucky am I?



Before you ever came along
I was living life all wrong
The smartest thing I ever did was make you all mine
(from "Crazy Girl" by Eli Young Band)

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Saturdays Are for Weddings: 11 Weeks

It's funny, when you hear people go on and on about how crazy and time-consuming it is to plan a wedding, what fails to come across is how much sitting around there is. Oh, there are still items on the list but it is either to soon to work on them or they are completely at the mercy of the final headcount, which is still over a month away from being due. Sure, we still need to get wedding bands and I need to pop something in the mail to a crafty friend for my hair, but that encompasses Everything I Can Actually Do Right Now.

So, I am killing time, reading blogs and various wedding-related tidbits on social media. I can see how, for an easily overwhelmed bride, this would be a bad idea. There is a *lot* of information out there. And an eternal list of ideas to inspire you. And a ludicrous number of "must have details" that they neglect to mention can only be afforded by someone of celebrity status. I am secure in what we're doing. I feel it focuses on the important part of the day and celebrates who we are as a couple. If anyone in attendance cannot see that, then I have sorely misjudged their need to be on this guest list.

Anyway.

In all my time-killing but keep-the-wedding-spirit meanderings, there is one trend around which I simply cannot wrap my head. Two dresses. Let me get this straight: I pay an obscene amount of money (even if I get a really good deal) (which I did--on both counts) for a dress that I will wear for a limited number of hours ONE DAY OF MY ENTIRE LIFE. Unless I birth a daughter who is not only relatively the same size as me, but also likes the style dress I wore *and* is ok wearing an old dress, the only way this thing ever gets used again is if I sell or donate it. So why, in the name of all sanity, is there a trend that says the bride changes into a more casual party dress for the reception?! Now, not only is she spending even *more* money (on another dress which, let's be honest, may or may not also be worn just the one time), but she will wear both of them for even *less* time? I have to tell you, I love my dress. I am thrilled this is what I will wear on my wedding day. But I intend to squeeze every last second out of wearing that dress on the day I am married.

This? Is why I am never going to be a trend-setter.

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Saturdays Are for Weddings: 12 Weeks

When you first get engaged, there is this weird expanse of time during which you do a whole lot of nothing. And then there is suddenly so much to get done: dress and invitations and attendants and venue and the list just does.not.stop. There is an endless parade of details and decisions. And then just as suddenly, you plateau again. I am in the waiting game. The next batch of to-do's depends on the head count. The response cards have been steadily rolling in, about a third of them have been returned. The break is welcome. I feel like I'm catching my breath.

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Saturdays Are for Weddings: 13 Weeks

Most of the time, this wedding feels like it's happening to someone else and I am just offering opinions from the sideline. Maybe because that's the role I am used to. It's only been someone else. I've been ok with that (mostly) because I never wanted a wedding for the sake of "joining the club." Not at the price of a Very Bad Decision. It's not that I didn't want to get married. It's that I didn't want to end up discovering I had committed myself to the wrong guy. (There were a couple of close calls, but deep down, I always knew.)

Today, I put on my wedding dress. Not a too-big version, clamped and pinned and awkwardly poking out in places and pooling under my feet, tripping me up. This time, the dress fit me like a glove. It hugged all the right places. It fell, smooth and feminine, just brushing the ground in the front, trailing gently behind me. I turned slowly in front of the mirror, watching the dress move with me. We pulled the train out full. We bustled it.

And just for a moment, I saw a glimmer of myself as a bride.

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Saturdays Are for Weddings: 14 Weeks

We passed the 100 day mark on Thursday. Double digits now. I'm stressed over the party but I don't have an ounce of doubt about the guy. I know it's a Big Deal. I know it's One of the Biggest Deals in one's life, this commitment, these promises. I may not have a smidgen of experience in hosting a party of any size, but I know this is the best right decision I've ever made.

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Saturdays Are for Weddings: 15 Weeks

Invitations and dress fittings. Buy the stamps, find a better pen, practice each address first. Make sure to bring the shoes. Write until your hand feels like it will disconnect from your arm at the wrist, then take a break and come back for more. Stand still, hold this layer of the skirt, don't look down. Check and double check: spelling, address, everything inside. Do not lose weight, do not gain weight, stay exactly the same for the next fifteen weeks.

No pressure.

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Saturdays Are for Weddings: 16 Weeks

You know what I've learned? The moment you start addressing wedding invitations, you hate every pen you own and you can't stand the way your own handwriting looks.

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