Saturdays Are for Weddings: 4 Weeks

Last Sunday, at church, the theme of the sermon was marriage. This obviously is something that caught my ear. T and I have a pretty even keel relationship. We hardly ever argue or disagree. Not because we're perfect people, but because I think we're pretty good at communicating with each other. One of the things the pastor said was that every couple should have a good fight before they get married, just to prove you can work through stormy waters and come out the other side.

There is more to a good relationship, though, than surviving a big argument. What I took most to heart is that a good marriage is found not in what you get from your spouse but what you give them. If you're in a strong relationship, you don't need to be selfish, because while you're giving to them, they're giving back to you. It's not always an even trade off; sometimes one person needs a little more -- a little more help, a little more grace, a little more compassion -- but in the end, it all balances out. You should also be fully invested in celebrating their joys, easing their burdens, and building them up...not in demanding all the glory, wanting your life to be made easier, or tearing them down because they haven't lived up to lofty, unrealistic expectations. Human beings, even those who love you deeply, will disappoint you now and then. Starry-eyed romantic love doesn't want to see or acknowledge this, but the sooner you learn to spend less time nit-picking their weaknesses and more time appreciating their strengths, the stronger your relationship will grow deep roots.

I think one of my favorite parts of our relationship is that we already do many of these things. I make a conscious effort to thank T for little things he does, not because he looks for the praise, but because I want him to know that I see and that I don't take it for granted. And for all the times I am less than pleasant, less than motivated, less than the person I ought to be, I am lucky enough that T doesn't dwell on those things. No, I won't try to pretend we're perfect. No good comes from that kind of delusion. But it sure was nice to hear these foundation cornerstones listed and to realize these are things we already do far more often than not, and when we fail, we aren't afraid to apologize and try harder. Affirmation that this decision to commit to one another is not one we're entering lightly or without a solid base upon which to build.

That's a pretty good thing to know as we enter the final weeks leading up to the wedding.