Thursday, October 25, 2007

life is hard & the lessons don't get any easier

Thursday, i served on a jury. i had heard the law in question, and before the trial, it would seem the case was cut & dried. and then i sat through seven hours of testimony, followed by me & five other people being forced to make a decision that, while easy to reach based solely on the law, was also unbelievably difficult to swallow for so many reasons.

i am undecided, at this point, how much of this case i want to share here. it's a sensitive subject, but one i feel is easy to judge from the outside looking in, yet when the details are presented to you, you can't even imagine how *not* black & white this really was.

i feel deeply compelled to share two thoughts, though, as a result of what i sat through today:

first, do not kid yourself. kids have sex. *eleven* year olds have sex. i'm not saying all of them, but it happens, more than we realize, and while they are not permitted by law to consent, that doesn't mean the sex they are having is against their will. they're still babies, but the hard truth is that these babies try to make adult decisions. more & more, parents need to inform their kids about sex, and at a younger age than ever before. i know you're recoiling as you read this. i know no one wants to acknowledge that kids this age know anything about sex firsthand. *please* don't stick your head in the sand and allow denial to lead to regret.

second, we warn our kids about the dangers of having sex. we talk about diseases. we talk about pregnancy. we even talk about the longterm emotional ramifications of making this decision too soon. something we *don't* think to mention is yet another way this choice can affect the rest of your life. it does not discriminate between boys & girls. the laws may vary slightly from state to state, but i can tell you that in Florida, someone between the ages of twelve and seventeen cannot engage in sexual intercourse with an eleven year old -- and it does not matter if that eleven year old begs for it, agrees to it, or lies about their age. (and take my word for it: there are absolutely eleven year olds of both genders that not only look, but talk & act older than their chronological age.) the older person is accountable. period. one bad choice, one lie when you don't really know the truth, can give you up to life in prison and label you for life as a sex offender.

we have so much more to protect our children from now than we ever did before. and we need to protect & educate them at an increasingly younger age. eleven years old is not what it was for me twenty years ago. preteens know more now than i did at almost twice their age. this is a scary world we live in, and sometimes the only way to protect our children is to inform them, to arm them with the facts. i know we want, more than anything, to preserve our children's innocence, but the facts are that they are exposed to so much outside the home now, that protecting them from the *real* thieves of their innocence becomes more imperative. it's hard to accept and even harder to do, but no child should ever have to go through what i witnessed two children live through today. one will have more severe consequences than the other -- and trust me when i say i have *very* mixed feelings about that, based on what i saw & heard today -- but rest assured both their lives have been irreversibly altered.

i'm sorry for being so heavy & controversial, but the world changes, not always for the better, and the best i can hope for, after a day like today and the way it has affected me as well, is that some child may be spared sitting in a court room, whichever side of the law they may find themselves on, because regardless of the verdict, no one wins. i would never dream of telling anyone how to raise their children, but please don't discard what i have said here without at least considering that sometimes silence hurts more than it protects.

11 with their own thoughts:

k Friday, October 26, 2007 8:30:00 AM  

Yep - you are right. Glad I wasn't on that case...definitely NOT black & white.

Debi Friday, October 26, 2007 8:46:00 AM  

Wow, Dawn...sounds like some trial. It can't be easy having to deal with and make decisions about the lives of other people, real people. Especially kids. And especially, as you said, where things are far from black and white.

I wouldn't apologize for being "heavy & controversial"...the world out there doesn't go away simply because we choose to ignore it. And ignoring it can have some really bad consequences. You're absolutely right about about talking to kids...I'm not sure it's ever too early. Luckily, my 10-year-old and I have a very open way of relating. We've talked a lot about the realities of sex. At this point, she honestly finds the whole idea a bit "gross"...she's even said that she "might get married someday, but I'm not going to have sex with my husband". However, there's a bit range in attitude, even at this age. Just a month or so ago, Annie told us that the little girl across the street (also 10-years-old) told her that it was okay for her to have sex because she couldn't get pregnant because she hadn't started getting her period yet. That was quite a wake-up call to me! But I was thankful that Annie felt she could talk to us about it.

Good luck with the trial, Dawn! I'll be thinking of you!

Brian in Oxford Friday, October 26, 2007 11:25:00 AM  

eesh! and meanwhile, The Red Sox won! :)

Please be careful not to get caught blogging about this! They'll declare a mistrial!

~**Dawn**~ Friday, October 26, 2007 11:38:00 AM  

For those of you who are concerned about mistrial due to what I shared, I wasn't very clear about this, but we already reached our verdict yesterday. The case is decided, though the sentence won't be issued by the judge until November 30, and we were officially released from our duties, and can discuss the details of the case however we wish.

Krysytn: I wish I hadn't been in a way, but in another way, I am glad I was part of a very impartial jury.

Debi: Thank you for your comment.

Brian: Thanks for watching out for me.

Anonymous,  Friday, October 26, 2007 1:19:00 PM  

You are so unfortunately correct. Even in my generation... i wish my mom had been a little more open with the 'sex' talk. it would have saved me and my sisters lots of heartache, embaressment, and fast-lane growing up.

Ted D Friday, October 26, 2007 1:53:00 PM  

Dawn, sounds like you had some heady stuff to deal with this week. As a Dad to 3 children, one approaching the teens, it's a scary world out there. Your advice about talking with your children is right on. Hopefully you'll have a restful weekend.

GO SOX!

Mega Friday, October 26, 2007 2:18:00 PM  

go sawx =)

It stinks when you have to make a decision like this. However, I agree with your points entirely.

Anonymous,  Friday, October 26, 2007 2:49:00 PM  

Dawn, you offer so much wisdom here. Everyone who has children they love should listen.

This sounds like an exceptionally hard case. You fulfilled the role appointed to you in our system of justice. It is NOT a perfect system, by any means, and I think that there will never be a perfect human system of justice because humans are frail and flawed -- but that's something you could not have affected.

mimiscraps Friday, October 26, 2007 10:39:00 PM  

dawn - I appreciated what you had to say. My husband works for the Supreme Court of Arizona. He sees this stuff EVERY day. He reads it EVERY day. It's NOT black and white as you say. It's frightening what's out there.
But thank you for doing you 'duty' so to speak. It does change ones perspective doesn't it?! It's amazing too what we can learn from the mistakes of others and our selves both good and bad.

Anonymous,  Saturday, October 27, 2007 5:26:00 PM  

I'm so sorry you had to go through with this. I really hope the judge is reasonable with his sentence. :-(

Heather Sunday, October 28, 2007 11:57:00 AM  

Sounds like a very interesting trial. I agree with you 100 percent!
And just to help lighten up the subject at hand that is why Catherine will be locked in the basement eating ho hos and ring dings and not be allowed out until she is 30!
Christian we need to figure something with him... the neighbors might begin to notice if we have both kids locked up!

  © Blogger templates The Professional Template by Ourblogtemplates.com 2008

Back to TOP