the importance of photographs

as i capture photo after photo, i often ask myself if they serve their only purpose as they bring me joy, if their only worth will be realized for as long as i travel in this world. tonight, as i sifted through piles of old family photos that my Gram made sure were placed in my care, i was reminded that this "fear" is not indeed fact. these photos are portals to both the past and the future. they connect us, across time, across space, across lifetimes.

as i flip slowly from one image to the next, i feel. i feel that heavy weight, on my chest and behind my eyes, of missing those who i can no longer reach out and hug. but that weight is tempered by seeing with my own eyes the places that my loved ones went, the people they saw, the experiences they had & wished to remember as they walked this earth, and then i also feel that warmth of their love as easily as if they sat by my side, telling me the stories within the photographs that i treasure. more than that, i have this precious gift. i am seeing places and times that i never could have without these pieces of paper in my hands. and even if i could have seen them, even if i follow the paths they took, i would not be able to see through their eyes like i can when i soak in this story book of their lives.

not only can i travel back in time, but i travel forward as well. i wonder if i will one day have that kind of love for my own, this love that they documented with decades' worth of cameras over almost a century. i wonder if my own memories will one day be viewed with this same silent awe by my own grandchildren. i wonder...and i allow myself to dream -- a luxury i rarely grant myself -- even as i am remembering and reliving moments gone by. i catch glimpses of laughter to be shared, love that will encircle me, memories made with friends & family, a future that makes me catch my breath just for a moment with a joyful anticipation i wasn't sure i was still able to feel.

i see these people, too long already removed from my current world, and i can hear their voices. i can recall in a heartbeat memories that might otherwise drift from my mind without notice. i am transported back to my Gram's dining room, to Christmas mornings, to the backyard i grew up in, to once in a lifetime events, and to every day simplicities that have more value than i ever could have believed possible.

it's too easy to disconnect from our personal histories. to wander our own paths, forgetting where we came from without visual reminders to bring us home in thought if not in body. to live in the now so much that we miss how we fit into the big picture, the moments that took place in the lives of those we cherish when we couldn't be present, in lifetimes that were lived long before we had even arrived. and yet, staring into these scenes and images, i am able to move both backward & forward, simultaneously, while sitting absolutely still.

time will roll forward. the days and months and years that i sit here wondering, perchance dreaming, about will become reality one by one, unfolding into my present, and slipping behind me like pages turned in a book. and if i have learned anything from my trip down memory lane, i will continue to tote around my camera, capturing scenes not unlike those in the piles on my coffee table, yet completely unique as only i will see them.