open letter to Boy Wonder

Dear Theo:

Just thought you might like to know that your current team is completely behind re-signing Mike Lowell--whose contract expires at the end of this season, by the way. We can only assume that you must have somehow missed this little detail, because why else would you have neglected to get this man some new paperwork to sign already... right??

Let me share with you the thoughts from a couple of guys on your team. You know, just in case his .307 batting average (which is higher than Manny's, if you missed that too), 14 home runs (second best on the team), 100 hits (also second best on the team), and team-leading 66 RBI don't speak for themselves. Yes, I know he's have an uncharacteristically bad season in the field, but that's what makes it uncharacteristic! The fact that he almost never performs poorly out there. Perhaps if he weren't trying to compensate for a certain useless player occupying the position to his immediate left...

Anyway.

David Ortiz says: "We like Mikey all the way around and he's doing a great job. I don't think they should wait any longer. He's a great guy on and off the field. He's done the job the two years he's been here and there aren't many third baseman out there, so what are they waiting for?"

And how about these words from your Captain: "I can't determine what they do, but I know it would alleviate a lot of (concern) for him if he knew he were signed, but every player has to deal with it. Would I like to see him back? Hell yeah. It's hard to replace that well-rounded of a player."

Are these *really* the two guys you want to have ticked off at you? Because I am thinking they could find ways to make your life miserable in all sorts of fun and uniquely painful ways. Come on now, Theo. We know you're smarter than you are making yourself look. You did assemble the 2004 World Championship team -- or was that just a stroke of Fate you had no real part in creating?

So if you & Larry are hell-bent on acquiring Slappy McWhippingboy when he makes his diva exit from the Bronx, I suggest you do it *after* you get Mr Lowell his pretty new contract to stay in Boston. Let ol' Blue Lips play at short & send Julio Lugo packing. I mean, we already have a short stop we don't like, so what would be the difference at this point? At least Slappy can produce, unlike the Lugo-sized hole we have at the moment.

Just do it, Epstein. Just give that third baseman a reason to keep giving us that slow quiet smile, and we'll all ride happily off into the sunset. Or there are other reasons to take someone into The Green Monster than just being curious what's behind a door (a la Manny being Manny).

Thanks for your time & prompt attention to this matter.
RSN-FL