what a father really is

i suppose that i could do the standard "happy father's day" entry but there's so much more that i can say about my dad. this man has always been my hero. i've been daddy's little girl right from the very start, when a very colicky infant would only fall asleep resting on her daddy's stomach. how many dads were that involved back then ya know? it wasn't as common for fathering to be nearly as hands-on back then like it is now. but there he was. doing anything it took to make his baby girl's world ok...my dad.

my first Christmas (1976, 10 weeks old)


and it didn't stop there. he was a single *dad* of 2 very small children. and he did a damn fine job of it if i do say so myself. we attended church every Sunday as a family. he put us in a parochial school for a great education. he went without things he needed for himself as long as it meant we were provided for. sure my grandparents (his parents) gave him all the help they could & then some. but that just meant more love. i have so many great memories of being a young child & spending time with my dad. vacations & day trips, weekly routines & holiday traditions. every so often a specific memory surfaces though & makes my heart overflow. this one photo was taken at a relative's wedding that i was in. i don't recall much about it to be honest with you but it stirred up another memory i had tucked away. i was probably about 6 or 7 & my dad was going to his work Christmas party. i was his "date". we sat together & talked. he brought me Shirley Temples. and we danced. =) at first he showed me how to dance "like a lady" but as the night wore on & it got late & little girls get tired, he picked me up & we danced much like in the photo below. always daddy's little girl. always some strong arms to lift me up when i was tired.

me & my dad (1981, 5 years old)


sure we had our rough patches. who doesn't? they were few & far between though, even during the trying teenage years. i still have a letter he wrote me one night after a particularly nasty exchange that had occurred earlier in the day. i was a pretty hateful little bitch that afternoon but we worked through it. i saved that letter he wrote me. even now when i read it, i tear up. my dad & i, we're friends too. i like that about our relationship. i never had curfews, i was never grounded. not that my dad let me run free. it was just that all he ever had to do was tell me i had disappointed him & it tore me to shreds. sure i didn't always do the right thing but more often than not, i did, and it wasn't out of fear of punishment but to avoid at all costs seeing his disappointment in me. that was far worse than any privilege that could be revoked...he was always the parent when he had to be but there was a trust & a friendship there too. we were pretty open with one another, even when i needed a shoulder to cry on about some boy. or when i told him i had decided that moving to FL was the right thing for me to do, i know it broke his heart but he gave me his blessing...

us at my dad's wedding (1997) & sadly the most recent photo of us together...must change that when i can


i am sure there were times my dad wishes he could have handled things differently or done a little more but i look back & see a man that gave every ounce that he could, that sacrificed for my happiness. he did the best he could with what he had & i will always be grateful for that. we live 1200 miles apart but he is always in my heart. i will never forget the devastation of almost losing him 4 & a half years ago. it came the time for me to be his rock like he had always been mine & i guess i finally had some understanding of how hard it must have been for him all those, knowing he couldn't *really* protect me from life. i was lucky & he is still with us today...but i don't forget that he might not have been, not for one minute.

i may be a grown woman with a life of my own, far from where he is but i will always be my daddy's girl. as they say, a girl's daddy is her first love. and i have the best by far. he truly is what a father should be & i am indescribably lucky to be so blessed. today i celebrate that & reflect on my dad with love & pride.