on friendship

unless you know me really really well, you'd probably be shocked to know that i am unbelievably shy. i cover it up well with a smile & a pleasant demeanor but in actuality, being in a situation where i'm surrounded by a lot of people i don't know makes me very very quiet. i'm not exactly sure why. i guess i just don't feel particularly interesting or charismatic enough to engage a bunch of strangers in lively conversation. so i disguise myself as more of a listener with a cheerful smile.

until i get to know you. then (as 4 people i am rather fond of & one total stranger can attest to from this past weeked) i become silly unfiltered Dawn. =P LOL...a "had to be there story" i assure you. anyway...

it's not that my lack of conversational skills indicates that i'm aloof or unfriendly. i just don't open myself up that quickly. i'll answer questions and throw in a comment or two but i'm not one to initiate or take the lead in a conversation. i'm more reserved than that. (i know some of you are dying a slow, laughter-induced death here because you've forgotten or maybe even never seen that side of me but yes it's true.) on the contrary, while remaining quiet & unobtrusive, i know that i am still warm & friendly--i just can't help it if i don't have much to say.

are you wondering where am i going with this & what on earth this has to do with friendship? well...as a result of being shy & quiet, i don't jump right out there & become the life of the party...subsequently never being crowned little miss popular when it comes to having a large circle of friends. add to this the fact that i have very little patience for the petty & vindictive nature so many females i've encountered possess & you can start to see why i am not one of those girls who has 8 million girlfriends...and how i don't go out & make new friends on a daily basis. in fact, of the people i consider to be my friends, most of them are either people i have known for more than a decade or someone that i met as a result of the "mutual friend" phenomenon.

in my adult life, i have gotten a little bit better at putting myself out there & have been lucky enough to make some really awesome new friends all on my own. i'm proud of me for that. but even more i am proud that these amazing people have found me worthy of being *their* friend. typically slow to reveal my true "Dawn-ness", it shouldn't be shocking that i don't "click" immediately with very many people--something that is a result of my shyness as opposed to being a reflection on anyone else. but it's a big deal to me when i find a new friend that really gets me, someone i feel instantly comfortable with. i've suddenly found that the people i truly call "friend" has grown & that makes me feel so lucky.

so to my friends, new & old...you know who you are & you know that i love you dearly. and i am so glad i let my guard down enough to allow you to become such an important part of my life.