This Week on My TV: April 5, 2014

Disclaimer: Some shows I watch live and with others, I tend to be fairly behind on my tv watching. Even so, consider the fact that there could be spoilers ahead. All I can do is lead in with the show and episode. You read at your own risk!



**(Once Upon a Time, S3E13 "Witch Hunt") Red Riding Hood sighting! -- Regina sure wears some cleavage-y dresses. -- Hook [to Charming about the very pregnant Snow White]: Almost harvest time but you can't remember the planting. That's bad luck, mate. -- Emma doesn't find it unsettling that her mother, who, thanks to the curse, is roughly the same age she is, is very pregnant? Or not even a mention of her impending sibling? -- It's impossible not to feel bad for Regina about how distraught she is that Henry doesn't remember her. -- Instead of having their memories vaporized, now when the Storybrooke residents try to cross the town line, they get snatched by flying monkeys and turned into them?! -- Zelena (the Wicked Witch) is (or is posing as) a midwife and ingratiating herself to Mary Margaret. Which begs the question: what is her sinister plan for that child? -- Holy crap! Zelena is Regina's older half-sister and they share Cora as a mother?! *And* they both were mentored by Rumplestiltskin?!? I did not see either of those twists coming. -- Rumple is alive, kinda crazy, and imprisoned by Zelena in Storybrooke?

**(Once Upon a Time, S3E14 "The Tower") The way Charming and Emma were dancing and gazing at one another in Charming's dream was borderline creepy. It wasn't very father-daughter-like is what I'm saying. -- If there's one lesson I would only need to learn once, if I were a fairy tale character, it would be NEVER EVER take something to eat or drink from someone you don't know! -- Hahahaha! Zelena lives in a farmhouse. Wicked witch, farmhouse...Dorothy's house killing a wicked witch in Oz. That's some amusing stuff. -- Eh, the Rapunzel weave-in was only so-so. -- So, did Zelena turn Rumple loose or did he escape her captivity?

**(Scandal, S3E14 "Kiss Kiss Bang Bang") I cannot believe Jake killed James. I can't believe James is dead. -- The flashback scenes telling the story of James and Cyrus were moving and heartbreaking. -- Hey! Ever since Mellie started getting a little romance, she stopped using Easter colors as neutrals and has started wearing lots of deep jewel tones! She is pretty sexy when she is campaigning for things she believes in rather than being a manipulative shrew. -- What on earth are Liv's mother and Adnan Selif planning?? Adnan is the bank and Marie is the facilitator. They're interviewing bad guys. But what is the *plan*? -- This may be one of the most beautiful, heartfelt statements. And I can't believe who said it! ... Abby: David, look at me. Look at me. Something's wrong. Something bad has happened to you. Something terrible. You don't hide that from me and you don't lie about it to me. You give it to me. You let me share it. I love you. You are my heart. What happens to you, happens to me. -- What, *what* was that scene between Huck and Quinn?? I expected her to spit in his face but that frantic making out? WHAT?! -- David: So exposing Jake, that's a death wish. But taking down the entire organization, that's something within my reach? Me, David Rosen and my army of one? Olivia: Army of two. -- Cyrus falling apart at the press conference saying they had apprehended James' suspected killer was so painful to watch. -- Jake, sitting by James, promising him his loved ones were safe, apologizing that he couldn't be killed quickly, assuring him he wouldn't die alone, I wept, openly and shamelessly. Oh, my heart.

**(Scandal, S3E15 "Mama Said Knock You Out") Hmmmm. Why is Quinn hiding the Huck kiss from Charlie? -- Is there *anyone* in the First Family that *isn't* dysfunctional? -- I wonder if it's even more weird to be making out with other actors once you're noticeably pregnant? (Referring to Kerry Washington and her real life, not on the show pregnancy.) -- That's quite a steamy affair Mellie is having. It's certainly thawing her out anyway. -- The First Daughter's bedroom is decorated kind of childish, no? -- Were Charlie and Quinn having a lovers' spat during a torture inquisition?! They are, perhaps, the strangest couple ever. -- Why is there more Quinn and Huck making out? WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?! -- Fitz, *you* are a total hypocrite, being pissed at Mellie for having an affair. -- OMG, Adnan and Marie are really plotting an assassination of Fitz? And Jake has surveillance on the whole thing?? -- I'd love to know a) what Fitz and Mellie said to Jerry and Karen to sort things out and b) what Rowan's motivation is for telling Liv that every government agency funds B613.

**(Once Upon a Time in Wonderland, S1E11 "Heart of the Matter") The story of how Anastasia became The Red Queen is informative, but I am very confused about Cora. Where does this fall in the Once Upon a Time storyline? Clearly after she abandoned Zelena, since that was before she became royal, but where, in relation to Regina? How old was Regina when Cora was the Queen of Hearts and traveling to Wonderland from Fairy Tale? -- Field trip to...Storybrooke? -- OMG. Is Anastasia really dead?! And if so, my shows need to STOP KILLING OFF CHARACTERS. This has been a brutal television season for so many of my shows.

**(How I Met Your Mother, S9E23 "Last Forever") I have to say, not a fan of 2016 Lily hair with the bangs. Total fan that she and Marshall ended up having three kids though! -- Awesome: Judge Fudge promoted to Fudge Supreme. Disappointing: Barney and Robin's divorce. Shocking: How long it took Ted and The Mother to actually *get* married. -- Marshall: Ted, ask me if the Abominable Snowman called. Ted: Has the Abominable Snowman called? Marshall: Not yeti. -- Kinda cool that Barney ended up having a baby, a *girl*, and finally fell totally in love. -- Ted asking The Mother to marry him again. On *Thursday*. After seven years and two kids. My heart. They make me swoon. Even with as little as we've seen them, they are one of my favorite tv couples ever. Hi, my name is Dawn and I am a hopeless romantic. -- Lily: To Ted Evelyn Mosby, a man with more emotional endurance than anyone I know. It was a long, difficult road. Thank *God* we finally got here. --Ted: Aunt Lily wasn't wrong. It was, at times, a long, difficult road. But I'm glad it was long and difficult, because if I hadn't gone through hell to get there, the lesson might not have been as clear. You see, kids, right from the moment I met your mom, I knew: I have to love this woman as much as I can, for as long as I can, and I can never stop loving her, not even for a second. I carried that lesson with me through every stupid fight we ever had, every 5am Christmas morning, every sleepy Sunday afternoon, through every speed bump, every pang of jealousy or boredom or uncertainty that came our way, I carried that lesson with me. And I carried it with me when she got sick. Even then, in what can only be called the worst of times, all I could do was thank God. Thank every god there is or ever was or will be and the whole universe and anyone else I could possibly thank, that I saw that beautiful girl on that train platform and that I had the guts to stand up, walk over to her, tap her on the shoulder, open my mouth and speak. -- The "TM" conversation about the yellow umbrella was pure awesomeness. It was creative and witty and they delivered their lines to perfection. -- Tracy! Her name is Tracy McConnell! (Finally. Thank God. I would have lost my mind.) -- So he ends up with Robin anyway? And I guess I'm ok-ish with that (the blue French horn was a nice, if predictable, touch) but I am heartbroken that they killed The Mother. I haven't been this sad about a show ending since Friends a decade ago.

**(The Blacklist, S1E18 "Milton Bobbit") OMG, The Undertaker and his removable nose are way creepy. I was unprepared for that. -- So it was Red who hired the "apple man." Interesting. I wouldn't have thought that. -- Red: You rascal. You wouldn't believe how hard it is to find a Bosnian in San Salvador! Professor: Wish it was harder. -- How is it good security to answer the hotel room door without checking who was on the other side, Liz? What if it had been Tom instead of Red?? -- Red and Dembe watching tv and laughing. This show has so much brilliant comic relief. And what was Red's obsession with the yogurt-covered pretzels? -- The jig is up, Tom Keen. What is that key? What is the mission? Who is it for? And what does it have to with Berlin?!

**(The Middle, S5E17 "The Walk") Frankie: What kind of name is Beyonce? Is it French? I wonder if her parents just made it up. -- For all the things high school me had in common with Sue, having *five* prom dates? Not one of them. I'm lucky I had *one*. -- That was a pretty cool book project Axl helped Brick set up. And even funnier that he accidentally filmed himself instead of the books. -- Frankie: It wouldn't be prom unless some poor Heck went with Weird Ashley. -- Wow. Axl actually stood up to Darrin in defense of Sue. I love that he shows he cares in real ways, just when no one is looking. -- DARRIN AND SUE!! Ohhhh!! So sweet how he found her at prom and told her her he didn't care about prom but he cared about her and couldn't stop thinking about her and THAT KISS!! So so happy! Like clap-my-hands-and-squeal-and-blink-back-tears happy.

**(Modern Family, S5E18 "Las Vegas") Very laugh-worthy, between Jay continuing to find out that there was always one floor better than the one he was staying on, how awkward all of Phil's magic props appeared to the butler, and Gloria and "Rebarka," I was definitely amused.

**(Grey's Anatomy, S10E16 "We Gotta Get Out of This Place") I didn't give a rat's hiney about Mer's project or Der's sensors or Alex and Jo and their stupid form declaring their love for HR. I didn't care about the cases of the week or Chief Weber's birthday woes. But the scenes between Catherine, Jackson and April were very moving (I loved the way April cared that their spontaneous wedding hurt Catherine's feelings and that she made Jackson apologize to his mother). I laughed at Weber walking away down the hall with the bucket of guts that it turned out his patient with the absorbed twin didn't want to keep after all, because it was still gross, no matter how rare it was. And I am baffled by the current incarnation of Cristina and Owen. Watching her try to force him into the dating world is just bizarre.

**(Mom, S1E21 "Broken Dreams and Blocked Arteries") They actually managed to find a cute dress for Violet to wear while tremendously pregnant. She looked pretty and prom-like, despite her enormous belly. -- I have to admit, the chemistry on this show is pretty great, considering it's just the first season. Their lines and delivery make me laugh multiple times per episode. I can think of some shows that haven't figured how to do that three seasons in (ahem, 2 Broke Girls). -- Watching the previews for the season finale, I swear Violet better not change her mind and keep the baby. I have liked her decision to use adoption and if they bait and switch, I will be disappointed.

**(Revolution, S2E17 "Why We Fight") I am equally appalled by how stupid the core group can be (seriously, Gene, banging into stuff when you're supposed to be hiding from the Patriots?) and how funny their insults are (calling Gene "AARP," referring to Monroe's "discount empire," and telling Monroe and Miles they fight like sorority girls). I suppose they are off to Austin now. But how will Aaron and Priscilla know where to find them when they show up and everyone is gone?

**(Reign, S1E16 "Monsters") OMG there was a giant *human* fang left in Olivia's back from The Darkness. Yikes. -- They certainly didn't get very far into that giant cake in which the servant girls were searching for the lone bean that will make one lucky girl "queen for the day." -- So is Henry suffering from mental illness or a brain tumor or what? Did he seriously tell Mary to get it on with the "Queen of the Bean?!" -- Bash [to Francis]: Listen to you. You have Mary and the crown and all of France puckering its lips to your ass, and still you're threatened by a bastard in exile. -- Despite the creative liberties the writers take with this show, knowing the Francis does not die, historically, by drowning takes away some of the intensity of him falling through the ice. -- Nostradamus has a sad history, losing his wife and small children all to the Plague. -- Let me see if I can get this right: Lola ends up engaged to Lord Julian, who was supposed to marry Greer until he caught her kissing Leith. Greer ends up engaged to Lord Castlebury, the spice trader, after all, to preserve her honor. Henry, who has clearly gone off his nut (and is walking around barefoot??), forces Bash to marry Lady Kenna, whom Bash, self-proclaimed, "doesn't much like" and stay in French court to watch Mary be in love with Francis. Yes, Lola, this was indeed a very strange day.