Crazy Monkey Love

a girl & her monkey =)


Love at first sight. 11pm. Her mother introduced her to him. She grabbed on tight & never let him go. That would be Catherine & her monkey. LOL

Ya know, I never remember having a special "lovey" as a kid. I never had a blankie or sucked my thumb, so it fascinates me what drives a baby to select a certain object & bestow upon it her undying devotion & affection. I guess maybe it's practice for being all grown up & falling for that special someone. That someone that makes you feel safe & secure. That someone that is all yours & you do not have to share. And along with it goes the same heartache if that "lovey" is lost along the way somewhere. It's too bad that you can't pick up a few extra copies of that grown up someone for when the unthinkable happens & they get misplaced or need a bath.

I hope you never know that heartache baby girl...not with the monkey *or* the man. (And a word of advice: stay away from the KMB variety. They'll make you crazy & not in that crazy monkey love sort of a way! LOL...)

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Where Would You Be

I wonder where your heart is
Cause it sure don't feel like it's here
Sometimes I think you wish
That I would just disappear
Have I got it all wrong?
Have you felt this way long?
Are you already gone?

Do you feel lonely
When you're here by my side?
Does the sound of freedom
Echo in your mind?
Do you wish you were by yourself?
Or that I was someone else?
...Anyone else?

Where would you be
If you weren't here with me?
Where would you go
If you were single and free?
Who would you love?
Would it be me?
Where would you be?

Have I become the enemy?
Is it hard to be yourself in my company?
("Where Would You Be", Martina McBride)

This is exactly how I feel when I find out more that I wish I didn't know...I just want to know WHY. And yet it's always just as if nothing has happened...that none of it ever happenend. Who do you think you're kidding anyway?? I've been down this road before...and I always know. Somehow I always know...Well I don't want to know any more ok...?

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20 Things I Love

in no particular order... =)

1. sunsets
2. kisses
3. holding hands
4. the scent of vanilla
5. candlelight
6. flannel sheets
7. the smell of orange blossoms
8. reruns of Friends and Sex & the City
9. real Christmas trees
10. autumn in New England
11. Catherine's laugh
12. the man in my life
13. good phone conversations with one of "my girls"
14. my good morning emails
15. late night IM chats
16. getting photos in the mail or in my inbox
17. new towels
18. ice cream sandwiches
19. snuggling
20. comfortable silence

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Good morning Sunshine =)

hello catherine =)


Who could possibly resist this sweet baby waving for the camera while she drinks her milk?? Not me!! I could just eat her up...but sadly her mother won't let me. (lol)

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Killing Time

Kinda funny that in almost any circumstance I have all the patience in the world. I can calm a crying baby & get her to sleep without losing my cool. I don't need to know what my gifts are before the holidays or my birthday. So what is my problem tonight? Why does it feel like the clock must be moving backwards or something? I feel "all waited out". What's that they say though? The best things come to those who wait...

*deep breath* Well...I'm waiting...

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Survivor

alison & dawn =)


I talked to Alison today. =) That always makes me happy. It's funny how we became freinds at such a critical point in my life...all over a piece of cake lol...and even though the friendship was new, the distance my move to Florida put between us never stunted the growth of a fast friendship. If you know me, you know that I don't make friends very easily with other girls. Guys are much simpler to be friends with. I suppose I just can't be bothered with it--I know how girls are: two-faced, manipulative, quick to argue, pretending to forget but not *really* forgetting, vengeful...I guess you could say I've had my share of "toxic friends" travel through my life, leaving in their wake a handful of steadfast girlfriends I love dearly & couldn't imagine life without. And Alison is one of those girls. She's been there, good, bad, ugly, juicy details (as many as I'm willing to share anyway lol)...somehow in the most traumatic moments we manage to get each other through. She inspires me every day with the strength I'm willing to bet she doesn't even recognize in herself. No matter what life throws at her, she takes it like a champ & I don't know how, but she even comes out standing taller than she did before. My little world is a better place for having her in it & I am sure I don't tell her (or any of "my girls") enough...

When I hear this song I can not help but think of her:

I don't believe in self-pity
It only brings you down
I may be the queen of broken hearts
But I don't hide behind the crown
When the deck is stacked against me
I just play a different game
My roots are planted in the past
And though my life is changing fast
Who I am is who I wanna be:
A single mom who works too hard
Who loves her kids & never stops
With gentle hands & the heart of a fighter...she's a survivor

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Funny thing about life...

Josh & Kas


So he may contemplate killing me if he finds out I posted a picture of him. I guess we'll have to hope he doesn't see...lol.

Growing up we were like any typical brother & sister. We could play together one minute & be beating each other's brains in, screaming at the top of our lungs the next. Suffice it to say that we did not really get along all that well as kids. It didn't get any better as teenagers (much to the headache of Dad, Gram & Gramp no doubt). I would be a rich woman if I had a buck for every time Gram gave me the "If he went off to war & didn't come home, you would cry bitter tears & miss him" speech. Yeah, ok Gram...what do you know? (Well she *did* have 4 of her own brothers...although that being the case, I would have thought she should have been understanding ME better.) Turns out Gram (as usual) did know what she was talking about. No, Josh hasn't gone off to war. But I have to tell you, bratty little brothers *do* grow up & shock the hell out of you. I have no idea how he took care of Gramp that last year--I know I couldn't have done it. And when did he start noticing girls, never mind get engaged?? I guess now that we're a little older & a little wiser, somehow we're closer. Even with 1200 miles in the middle. I have a lot more respect for the man he has become...and yeah we can even carry on a conversation without any yelling. I guess there's nothing like laughing at Gram's infamous "eyeballs falling out, breaking your head & walking around on bloody stumps" to bring you closer together. Seriously though, I like this guy he matured into. I bet Gram wishes we could have figured this out while she was still here to enjoy the QUIET harmony lol...

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Sometimes you just need to laugh...

Pooch Cafe 2.7.05


I know this is small & probably kind of difficult to read. In the first frame Poncho says "They say if life gives you lemons, make lemonade." In the last frame, he says "Life gave me parsnips." Ok so maybe not many people are going to be as amused by this as I am. I guess maybe if it fits your life, you may be better able to see the humor in it...Anyway, made me laugh. =)

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Simply the Best

Dynasty Delivered (photo from www.foxsports.com)


Confetti fluttering through the air, fireworks brightening the Jacksonville night sky, another sparkling presentation of the Lombardi trophy. Downright ordinary for the New England Patriots right? Hardly. And as a fan, I have yet to grow tired of watching those boys pull it off. It wasn't pretty. They played an uncharacteristically sloppy first half offensively, finally managing to march down the field for a touchdown as the 2nd quarter was winding down. But whatever happened in that locker room, they came back out & made a statement, scoring again immediately. I have to admit that even though I showed confidence in their post season abilities, I know it's not easy to win the Super Bowl over & over. I watched the first half, horrified by the incomplete passes and repeated 3rd & outs. I watched an emotionless Tom Brady walk on & off the field, knowing that without him finding his game face, the Eagles were going to win. Their presence on the field managed to somehow morph into the team I am accustomed to watching though & it didn't hurt that apparently the Patriots had 2 quarterbacks playing for them...or so it would seem by the number of times McNabb threw into the waiting hands of a New England defender. I laughed as the T.O. factor became meaningless. But then as the seconds ticked away & the Patriots failed to make a critical first down after the Eagles closed the gap to 3 points, I watched through my fingers placed strategically over my eyes & I paced. It definitely was not a pretty win. But it was a win none the less. *whew* Collective sigh of relief from every Patriots fan before the jumping & cheering kicked in. Oh & Freddie Mitchell? What was it exactly that he "had for Rodney Harrison" anyway? I think Rodney caught more passes than Mitchell did. I don't know about anyone else but I'm going to be laughing about that one for a while.

For all those who called them a fluke, the Patriots have now become the team of the new millenium, joining the illustrious ranks of the 1960s Packers, the 70s Steelers, the 80s 49ers and the 90s Cowboys. On top of the world...

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A Bad Goodbye

I've been bound to leave you, we've known that for awhile
I'm sure it's something I can't do if I can't leave you with a smile
I don't know how far I'll have to go 'til I'm sure those eyes won't cry
And in my mind I've left enough to know that I can't leave you
With a bad goodbye
I'm still bound to leave you, I surely don't know how
My heart won't let me put you through
What my mind says should happen now
I don't know where we'll go from here, there may be no way to fly
And the cloud I'm in just makes it all too clear that I can't leave you
With a bad goodbye
Goodbye, easier said than done
Goodbye, there's no good when you're the one
Whose goodbye you swore would never come
And in my goodbye you're finding none
How can we be so far between where we are and one more try
And any way I look, I've only seen that I can't leave you
With a bad goodbye
("A Bad Goodbye", Clint Black)

Somehow this song makes me sad. I guess when you start out on a path in your life, you never expect it to come to this. And sometimes it just does anyway... =(

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Anticipation

Brady is cool in the pocket. (photo from www.foxsports.com)


I have nerves tonight. That's not to say that I think my team may not win. It's just that 2 week wait, hearing nothing but the media hyping up the Super Bowl. I just need that opening kick-off to sail through the air & see the Patriots establish their presence immediately to clam me down. I want to get immersed in the game & stop listening to all the speculation. There are many reason why the Patriots are the favorite to win, the least of which is that this isn't unfamiliar territory for them. What I don't understand is how this is their 3rd go-round in the famed Super Bowl, yet there are still those who act like they are a fluke to even be there. After all, Tom Brady is used to the pressure of big games, of THE Big Game. He's undefeated in post-season play. He is somehow even cooler in the pocket in these huge games, making all the right decisions. I'm surely not going to say that McNabb isn't a good QB because he is & he has improved tremendously this year & he has been on quite a roll this season...but it stands to reason that it took him 4 tries to even reach the Super Bowl. All it will take is one set of jitters resulting in one error--the Patriots capitalize on that one error. They LIVE for that one error. Sure he can scramble when he's under pressure but is there someone out there who can honestly tell me how that makes him more intimidating an opponent than the illustrious Manning scoring machine or the white-hot rookie Roethlisberger? Brady is the master of being patient as he waits for the long ball to open up. And if anyone thinks that the Patriots haven't spent the last 2 weeks preparing a defensive package for coming up against Westbrook and Owens and Mitchell (excuse me while I roll my eyes), they obviously don't recognize the coaching genius of Bill Belichick or how he has been only lost a total of 4 games in the last 2 seasons combined, against some much scarier AFC teams. I know that the Patriots physical presence will shut down the Philly receivers regardless of the criticisms that New England's defense lacks the "speed to keep up". Ask Peyton Manning's 5 unstoppable receivers about that would ya? And I know we can rely on Adam Vinatieri's trusty foot. We have the edge of a whole team of play-makers over Philly's McNabb/Westbrook combo & not much else. All the "will he/won't he" nonsense surrounding T.O. overshadows a more poignant appearance by Richard Seymour's timely return. I guess I just need to sit in my chair & feel the comfort of seeing my team march down the field, showing a continually disbelieving NFL audience how it's done yet again...

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*sigh*

This is such a hard week for me. Today my Gram would have been 88 years old. It's hard to have to remember my grandparents' birthdays in such close succession. I try to recall the good times & the wonderful memories, and yes reminiscing does make me smile. But at night, when I have no control over my thoughts & my subconcious takes the reins splilling out into my dream world...it's not so easy...I know that others share my sadness, some the very same sadness as they miss the very same people, and on a much broader spectrum, people everywhere know in their own ways the heartache of recalling loved ones passed on. But today it's just me & the dreams I can't seem to shake...Time heals all hurts right? So when will this one get easier instead of more difficult...?

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Here Come the Patriots!!

Corey Dillon (photo from www.foxsports.com)


I am practically twitching waiting for this Sunday's game...but I'm a little sad that this is the last time I'll see this sort of sight for another 7 months...

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Bless the Broken Road

I've been asked why I've called this journal "Thoughts From Along the Broken Road". If you know me, you probably know that music, more specifically song lyrics, can really strike a chord with me. Sometimes it's a line or 2...or even just the basis for a song that I find some personal meaning in. Other times, it's the whole song beginning to end. But for me to truly love a song the words must speak directly to me, feel like someone climbed inside my head & came out holding my thoughts placed neatly into song form.

I've always said things happen for a reason that may not immediately be clear. But no matter what moments have taken place in my life--and like everyone I have some worth remembering & others I wish I could forget but know I never will--I know that I would not be where I am or the person that I am if even one thing was altered. This is a recurring theme in the performing arts. Who hasn't seen "It's a Wonderful Life" where George Bailey learns just how much one life can truly effect the whole world in ways that weren't at first obvious. And maybe you've heard Garth Brooks sing "The Dance": And now I'm glad I didn't know the way it all would end, the way it all would go. Our lives are better left to chance. I could have missed the pain but I'd of had to miss the dance...

Well, one night I heard a song on one of the multitudes of music award shows playing on the tv in the other room as I half-listened from my seat here in front of the computer. I hardly paid attention at first but something drew me in and before I knew it, I was hearing words that tapped right into my soul:

I set out on a narrow way many years ago
Hoping I would find true love along the broken road
But I got lost a time or two
Wiped my brow and kept pushing through
I couldn't see how every sign pointed straight to you
Every long lost dream led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart, they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you
("Bless the Broken Road", Rascal Flatts)

There it was. Some song writer somewhere had captured my philosophy on why things happen the way they do, how we can appear to get so far off course from where we wanted to be, yet somehow wake up one day & find that we've actually reached our destination, just by an alternate route. Sometimes I think I know who my broken road has led me to & other times I wonder but I know that in the end the destination will be clear & those loving arms will be waiting for me, asking "what took you so long to get here?" I have to keep believing that & in the mean time, these are my thoughts as I travel along to a destination unknown that I know will feel like coming home.

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87 years ago today...

...a baby cried. And in my eyes, the world was changed forever for the better.

Happy Birthday Gramp...

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How can this be?!

catherine =)


She's got a way about her...
and everywhere she goes
a million dreams of love surround her
("She's Got a Way", Billy Joel)

I'm not sure how this happened but will someone slow this little girl down please! It's only been 14 months since that ultrasound photo was taken!

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Did someone say Patriots??

Rodney Harrison Interception Touchdown! (photo from www.foxsports.com)


Can this be smart? Freddie Mitchell (fill-in ego for the "other" Philly receiver--you know, the one with the ankle injury who actually *has* a Pro Bowl pedigree) challenging Patriots veteran strong safety Rodney Harrison who plays hard and more importantly, HITS hard? Didn't we learn anything from Vanderjadt's "ripe for the picking" comment? You topped a conference in which TWO teams with an 8-8 record were in the playoffs. WE won a conference by holding off the #1 scoring offense followed a week later by a victory over the defense that allowed the fewest points to be scored all season. We didn't need a challenge, but thanks for making our fire burn that much brighter. Mr. Mitchell, we have something for you too. Take a good look at this photo--get used to seeing it--cause the Patriots are coming.

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AFC Champions!

Bruschi & the AFC Trophy (photo from www.foxsports.com)


We're just warming up for holding aloft the Vince Lombardi Super Bowl trophy...stay tuned!

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Happy First Birthday Olivia!

olivia =)


How adorable is this baby girl?? =) I swear my friends produce the most beautiful babies. Think I could convince one of them to have a couple for me?

Little Olivia:
I hope you know how happy you make your mommy. I can hear it in her voice when she tells me about you. You are what motivates her to further her education, chase a career, not settle for less of a man than she (and you & Tyler) deserve. I know that you were not a pre-planned event. But I can tell you this: you were & are a precious gift, a tiny bright ray of sunshine and I know that your mommy would not go back & do a thing differently. May you always be as strong as your mommy is and stay as beautiful all your life as you are right now, inside & out. Happy first birthday little girl.
Love,
"Auntie" Dawn

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Random Thought for the Day

"A true friend is someone who thinks you are a good egg even though he knows you are slightly cracked." (unknown)

Special thanks to all of you who love me even though the cheese has long ago slid off my cracker. =)

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