do you ever wonder what things i don't tell you?
yeah, that's a completely self-absorbed thing to say, since i am sure you all spend sooo much time thinking about me. =P
but you're wondering now, aren't you.
what can i say? i'm feeling like a troublemaker tonight.
Thursday, August 28, 2008
do you ever wonder what things i don't tell you?
i have the Rays-Jays game on, hoping Toronto can pull off a win this evening. when i say the Sunbeams announcers are annoying, this is just the sort of thing i mean.
Cliff Floyd just hit a home run for Tampa & Joe Migraine says: "i bet that one just showed up on air traffic at Clearwater Airport!"
ok you freaking meathead. you are in a dome!! INSIDE. you realize this, right? when a team plays in a real park, not in a giant tuna can, you can say things like that when someone hits one *literally* out of the ballpark & it will at least make marginally more sense since they are OUTSIDE. the best that's going to happen when you play in a dome is it's going to hit a wall.
thank you for proving once again what morons you two are. now if you'll excuse me, i need to figure out where i set down my remote so i can lower the volume on my tv so that i can keep an eye on what's happening without having to endure your total inanity.
some quick takes on the Sox:
**i am encouraged by what i saw from the Sox during this 2-week road trip. going 6-3, winning all three series.
**also encouraging: Tek has remembered he really likes to hit the ball.
**i'm loving the new guys. Jason Bay has not been disappointing in the slightest. Byrd has been a stand-up Number Five. and newest addition Mark Kotsay debuted with a double today.
**how insufferable do you suppose Pedroia was in the dugout & in the clubhouse & in the hotel last night & at batting practice this morning about that grand slam last night? LOL!
**filed under scary: Beckett has been scratched for tomorrow. again. and now we're hearing Dr Andrew James' name. ::gulp::
**trying to focus on *good* news, like Casey, Lowell & Drew are on the mend.
**i'm pretty much ready to see Lester get another win.
**it's awfully good to see Wakefield back on the hill again on Tuesday. it was even better to see him get a win in New York.
**with Beckett out of the rotation (hold me please), David Pauley will find himself pitching against Mark Buehrle on Saturday (Matsuzaka was moved up to Friday). what *really* scares me is that Baltimore will make their way to the abysmal Trop while we face the Other Sox. we need Rays losses so i am really hoping the Os can summon up some beat down this weekend.
**i was all set to root for AJ Burnett vs the Sunbeams tonight, as i had originally heard... and now the Jays have gone & switched him with Litsch in the rotation. or i was misinformed by my local media sportsholes. either way: crap.
**i am praying that Beckett is ok because... well... if you're a Sox fan, i don't need to explain why.
**while we're praying for things, i am going to end quoting myself from a comment i left on Spider's Web regarding our Cap'n & his contract situation: All I have to say is he better retire with a B on his cap, a C over his heart and red socks worn high & proud.
She says baby
It's 3am I must be lonely
When she says baby
Well I can't help but be scared of it all sometimes
("3am," Matchbox 20)
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
History can be messy and painful, but it's not our destruction. If we're lucky, it's our foundation. You just have to work your way through the mess to find what matters, to find the pieces of your past you still want to carry with you. And sometimes if you have just the right view and just the right castle, you can build the foundation for your new history all by yourself.
(Marin Frist on Men in Trees)
Sunday, August 24, 2008
Not all wounds are superficial. Most wounds run deeper than we can imagine. You can't see them with a naked eye. And then there are the wounds that take us by surprise. The trick with any kind of wound or disease is to dig down and find the real source of the injury. And once you've found it, try like hell to heal that sucker.
(Meredith Grey on Grey's Anatomy, "Where the Boys Are")
at 6:03 AM
Saturday, August 23, 2008
Relationships, no matter how good, are inevitably a series of compromises. But how much of ourselves should we be willing to sacrifice for the other person before we stop being ourselves?
(Carrie Bradshaw on Sex & the City, "Sex and the Country")
Friday, August 22, 2008
Abe Lincoln once said: "When I do good, I feel good. When I do bad, I feel bad." If only it were that black & white. Sometimes doing the right thing makes you feel everything *but* good. It can feel scary... uncomfortable... because even when you make the right choice, bad things can still happen. As much as we want them, there are no guarantees. All we can do is have faith that if we act with our heart, the things we do will one day make us feel right.
(Marin Frist on Men in Trees, "The Indecent Proposal")
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
this is so me, it's almost a little scary...
You See the World Through Blue Colored Glasses
You live your life with tranquility. You have faith that things will work themselves out with time.
You judge all your interactions through the lens of hope. You try to get all the facts before forming your opinion.
You face challenges with wisdom. You know that all bad things pass, and you have the confidence to see problems through.
You see love as the utmost expression of trust. Your relationships tend to be peaceful and stable.
At your worst, you can be cool, melancholy, and detached. You sometimes have to step back from emotionally charged situations.
You are at your happiest when you are able to reflect and relax.
Sunday, August 17, 2008
"Deep summer is when laziness finds respectability."
Thursday, August 14, 2008
We're taught early on to be a good person. To be kind. To follow the rules. To say our prayers and take our vitamins. But what if we do the right thing and bad things happen? What then? Is it ever wrong to do the right thing?
(Marin Frist on Men in Trees, "The Indecent Proposal")
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
some things live happily in our memory, so perfect, so deeply ingrained in our psyche, that we cannot fathom them any other way. we cannot imagine why they would ever change. they are almost sacred to our hearts so that when they are thrust into view, the image is like the proverbial knife twisting slowly in your gut.
to those who would not know otherwise, this image would seem benign.
and yet to me, it is a tragedy of sorts. a seemingly innocent image is horrifying and yet i cannot look away, such are my efforts to try to understand.
this is wrong. it's all wrong.
you see... that house belonged to my grandparents. that house is where the vast majority of my childhood was spent. that house was nothing short of perfect in my mind's eye.
but time marches on relentlessly. the circle of life stole away the people who dwelt there so that they live only in the hearts of those who knew them. and new people live inside those walls now. new people to whom i desperately want to ask why.
why would you cut down those two white birch trees that my Gram loved?
why would you cut down those two stately evergreens that stood like sentinels in front of the house, protecting it from the whipping Winter winds, the noise of cars travelling on the road, the fierce sunlight that wanted to pour into the eastern-facing windows of the master bedroom as the sun would rise?
why would you cut down that lovely giant ash tree that stood at the corner of the driveway, casting shade over the front yard in the heat of the Summer?
the house looks so vulnerable. so naked. the yard empty, stripped of those gorgeous old trees... and it makes me sad.
i came home, aching to see the house and the front yard as i remember it. lush and full of life. i wanted to strike that new image from my mind and replace it with the one that lives in my memories. and so i turned to hundreds upon hundreds of photos, arranged neatly in boxes. i found the right box & began flipping through photographs, slowly at first, but then with more urgency. surely i had one... *one* photo showing the house as it ought to be. and as my fingers brushed the last photo in the box, it hit me. there is not one. not from the angle i wish to see it. so many photos of the house from other directions, of the backyard, the orchard, the gardens. but not a single solitary photo in my whole collection of that house i love with its beautiful front yard...
though i could have cried at this realization, i didn't. i just felt a little hollow. because i can picture it perfectly but without an actual photo in my hands, that memory will not survive after me. i cannot show the people who have since come into my life, or who have yet to do so, how it was, how it no longer is nor can ever be again...
pick up your cameras. pick them up & use them. capture these details of your life, no matter how silly they seem, no matter how mundane or trivial. their value increases with time, in ways you can't begin to imagine. someone will come after you who will cherish those same images that you took for granted. they will look at them with a warm heart & damp eyes. you cannot place a price on a memory. there can never be enough. even as blessed as i am that my grandparents took so many photos, there are *still* pieces missing that i would give anything to look at with gentle reminiscence now. their wisdom in capturing these minute details was lost on my youthful naivete for so long but now i understand with a bittersweet smile. it makes me want to wrap my arms around my precious memories, gathering close that which is most dear to me.
i find myself grasping at the few "almost" photos that reveal glimpses of what i can when i close my eyes. they are imperfect... and yet they are perfect in their own right. perfect in that they have captured even a corner of my life that no longer exists. see for yourself how full of life that empty yard above once was...
as something in me twists at the sight of that beloved piece of my past, forever lost to the passage of time & the changing of hands, i cannot help but to hear inside my mind, Steve Martin's character in the movie "Father of the Bride Part Two", as he rescues the house he loves at the very last moment before the wrecking ball makes contact, the house he thought he wanted to be rid of, the words tumbling forth...
"Don't bulldoze my memories, man."
"The long-standing theory is that the beauty of baseball comes in its pace, in its deliberate nature, in the fact that players have time to assess before each and every pitch; the game was never intended to be played solely out of reaction or athleticism. The stops in play were part of the attraction, particularly to those who watched baseball and wrote about it, because the details changed constantly. Ball one. The batter has the advantage. Strike one. The scale is balanced. The subtleties triggered emotions, which played on the mind, which invariably got in the way."
(Tony Massorotti, "Dynasty")
Thursday, August 7, 2008
1. (Thursday morning) being accosted by a bug of unknown origin, dive bombing my head, just as i am walking outside this morning. having no clue what kind of bug we're talking about here, only that it was large enough to feel it thudding against my head & to hear it's wings buzzing in my hair, sounding like one of those WWII fighter planes. shaking my head out furiously but not seeing it fly away, therefor having no assurance that it isn't still! on! me! and subsequently feeling creepy-crawly all morning. this is even more worrisome if you have *seen* the (prehistoric) bugs we have in Florida.
2. (Tuesday morning) stopping at a red light. feeling your car stop. and then your peripheral vision playing tricks on you when the minivan next to you begins to roll slowly forward, creating the illusion that *you* are still moving.
3. (Monday afternoon) sitting at an intersection in the left-turn lane. traffic going the other direction has the green light. girl putting on eyeliner makes a left-hand-turn onto the street where i am currently waiting for my green arrow. she appears under the assumption that the double yellow lines are merely a suggestion and is cutting the turn close enough that 2/3 of her car will find itself in the turn lane where i am stopped. still looking in her rearview mirror, engrossed in makeup application, she veers at the last second, narrowly avoiding the front end of my car.
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
photo of me
i was practicing my invisibility skills this month. aren't you impressed with how good i've gotten?
1) current candle scents: using up some more retired Yankee Candle scents from the vault: Mountain Lake and Seaside Holiday. i always hate using my last votive of a retired scent but eventually i have to do it before the scent dies. i do want the chance to enjoy it that one last time instead of losing the opportunity all together. i just wish that when they brought back a retired scent for a limited time, it wasn't in that gargantuan jar.
2) what i am currently reading: "Dynasty: The Inside Story of How the Red Sox Became a Baseball Powerhouse" by Tony Massarotti
3) newest music i added my playlist: "What About Now" by Daughtry. "Another Try," by Josh Turner. "In My Arms," Plumb. "Do You Believe Me Now" by Jimmy Wayne. "Invisibly Shaken" by Rodney Atkins. "Feels Like Tonight" by Daughtry. "Forgive" by Rebecca Lynn Howard. "Little Wonders" by Rob Thomas. "Big Girls Don't Cry" by Fergie. -- told ya there would be new music this month!
4) movies i saw: none this month. too busy reading & watching baseball.
5) something yummy i made this month: it was just kind of a last-minute throw-together, but pasta with asparagus & peas with some pesto. i was craving veggies & you can't go wrong with pesto. the pasta was just there to round it out.
6) the last place i ate out: i seriously cannot remember. sad.
7) something that made me cry: a terrible misunderstanding that made two people feel hurt & vulnerable.
8) something that made me laugh: Remy & Don gigglefests.
9) something i looked forward to this month: the long holiday weekend. i needed a break. (by the way? it wasn't long enough.)
10) something i am thankful for: that, really, my biggest problem right now is the fact that the Red Sox cannot string together two wins at this point.
11) something i want to remember about this month: i want to remember Papi & Manny back-to-back, striking fear in opposing pitchers, and all the other good times Sox fans had -- not the least of which is two World Series rings -- with Manny Ramirez playing left in Boston. what i *don't* want to remember is this past month & how it all ended in a big freaking ugly mud-slinging contest which i blame Manny, the ownership team/front office of the Red Sox, and the media for, in equal parts.
12) a photo i took this month:
would you believe this was the only photo i took all month, specifically for a blog post? my camera was sicky but it's all better now! =)
thoughts on Clay: he's going to have growing pains. we went through this with Lester too. we know the basic fundamentals are there for Clay. he just needs to mature. if you watch him, the more nervous he is, the more he throws over to first. it doesn't even matter if the runner isn't leading. one of these days he will throw over there & no one will be on base. also, the deeper he gets into the game, the better he pitches. and finally -- why the heck is he *always* matched up to the other teams' aces?? he's our Number Five. no wonder the poor kid can't buy a win.
good injury news: Joba has a shoulder injury that may or may not be a result of Steinbrenner Spawn demanding a mid-season change from bullpen to starting rotation.
bad injury news: Papi's wrist is clicking again. i really hope it's just in mourning for Manny, because let's be honest, Papi has not been his usual jovial self since the departure. i can't help but wonder if his recent decline in production has less to do with his wrist & more to do with missing Manny.
hopeful injury news: hopefully Mike Lowell can make it through the rest of the season playing through his discomfort, perhaps with some strategically placed days off.
scary injury news: Lugo is starting to jog. please let Lowrie's performance speak for itself. if you consider Lugo too pricey a benchwarmer, feel free to trade him somewhere (perhaps to the Dodgers where he can hang on Manny some more?) although you will recall they paid Matt Clement an inordinate amount of money to essentially play Little League, so what do i know...
within the division: Rays lost. Yankees lost. (in grand fashion, i might add, since i could not turn off the tv without seeing how that played out in Texas -- and i do mean *grand* fashion. as in walkoff GRAND slam, baby!)
upshot: no harm, no foul. we start today in the same place we were did yesterday. and Commander Kick Ass on the hill is never a bad thing, am i right?
Sunday, August 3, 2008
And I feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd
Cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud
And I know that you'll use them however you want to
("Breathe (2am)," Anna Nalick)
i found this a while ago on Melissa 's (private) blog and thought it would be perfect in honor of Friendship Day...
When I was little,
I used to believe in the concept of one best friend,
and then I started to become a woman.
And then I found out that if you allow your heart to open up,
God would show you the best in many friends.
One friend is needed when you're going through things with your man.
Another friend is needed when you're going through things with your mom.
Another will sit be side you in the bleachers as you delight in your children and their activities.
Another when you want to shop, share, heal, hurt, joke, or just be.
One friend will say, 'Let's cry together,'
another, 'Let's fight together,'
another, 'Let's walk away together.'
One friend will meet your spiritual need,
another your shoe fetish,
another your love for movies,
another will be with you in your season of confusion,
another will be your clarifier,
another the wind beneath your wings.
But whatever their assignment in your life,
on whatever the occasion,
on whatever the day,
or wherever you need them to meet you with their gym shoes on and hair pulled back,
Or to hold you back from making a complete fool o f yourself ...
those are your best friends.
It may all be wrapped up in one person,
but for many, it's wrapped up in several..
one from 7th grade,
one from high school,
several from the college years,
a couple from old jobs,
on some days your mother,
on some days your neighbor,
on others, your sisters,
and on some days, your daughters.
Saturday, August 2, 2008
At the end of the day, faith is a funny thing. It turns up when you don't really expect it. It's like one day you realize that the fairy tale might be slightly different than you dreamed. The castle, well... it may not be a castle. And it's not so important that it's "happy ever after," just that it's happy right now. See, once in a while, once in a blue moon, people will surprise you. And once in a while, people may even take your breath away.
(Meredith Grey on Grey's Anatomy, "Save Me")
it may have been Manny that headed west to Hollywood, but it was Jason Bay who had the storybook ending last night, if you were to ask my opinion. (and i guess, since you're here, you sort of are.)
don't get me wrong. i have no bad feelings toward Manny. he had an amazing run... well... slow jog ;-) in Boston. and the memories are too many to count. *good* memories. i won't forget all the times we laughed. and all man-hugs and the cheering and the going back-to-back with Papi. and 500 home runs. and two sparkly World Series rings. those are the moments i will remember when i think of Manny. dreadlocks and baggy pants and that huge grin. not the last few weeks.
and i'm kind of hoping Remy gives it a rest now too. sincerely. what's done is done. Manny isn't in our clubhouse now. he's not even in our timezone (unless you're part of RSN-West). i'm ready to turn my face toward what we have now. our present and our future.
what a heck of way to make your Boston debut, Jason Bay. six at-bats. you reach base four times. sure, you walked twice, and also took one for the team. you came around the bags, after your first Boston plate appearance to score a run. you made a beautiful diving catch in the fifth. but you know what people will remember? that twelfth inning, two-out triple off the Monster. and Jed Lowrie beating one out to first allowing you to score the game-winning run.
you, Jason Bay, are the anti-Manny, in all the right ways. you are humble and you play like a professional -- characteristics that have already won the fans over for guys like Mike Lowell & JD Drew & a long time ago, Jason Varitek. we like to be entertained, certainly, but this team needs balance and your quieter presence in the clubhouse may be just what the Sox need to calm the ripple effect Manny was having. our laughs, now, can come from Papi & the Mayor yukking it up on the dugout rail, from Pedroia flexing his "guns" (and his mouth) for the camera, from the bullpen pirate band. (see? you can feel right at home here! pirates!) and most of all, we can go back to cheering our boys instead of growing weary of the media-Manny circus with the front office playing ringmaster.
(i'm going to pause here just to say that i do find it somewhat ironic to hear that apparently Manny had some second thoughts on his way out the door. like maybe the Sox really *did* call his bluff & he wasn't quite so miserable in Boston as he liked to claim when his PMS kicked in like clockwork. stammering that wait, maybe he could stay? he was so concerned--or was it *Boras*--that he be a free agent for 2009, angling for a new contract, options ignored, that he lost sight of the fact that there was a 99% chance he would have had that even if he did finish out the season with the Sox. part of me felt a twinge of sadness for Manny, just a kid on the inside who loved to play ball. but most of me is over the merry-go-round of Manny's emotions and the media feeding frenzy that resulted. it also doesn't hurt that i already like our new leftfielder.)
and on that note, i am happy to welcome our newest addition to the team. i am excited by the effort he shows & the attitude he displays. i don't expect every game to go like a tv script, but i already feel comfortable with the way he fits into this ball club. may that standing ovation he received as he stepped to the plate as a Red Sock for the first time be just the first of many.
in other news:
**Mike Lowell is hurt & we don't know how badly yet. just that it's a right hip strain & it's been bothering him for a while now.
**Manny is still Manny: he started as number 99 last night. he's changing his number today. i may be ready for our new lineup--the constant drama was wearing on me & i just wanted a decision, whatever it would be--but i won't grow tired of hearing about Manny's quirks, where ever they may take place.
**are the Packers seriously offering Favre $20-million a year for ten years to just stay retired? and is he seriously considering?
it drives me loony when producers of perishable goods stamp their product with a date but do not specify whether that is a use-by date or a sell-by one. i truly don't care which it is, but could you at least clearly define it?