completely disenchanted

some good natured trash-talking between fanbases is to be expected when it comes to sports. we all have teams we love & teams we loathe. provided other fans aren't spewing complete untruths or just being mean-spirited, i can take pretty much anything being said about my favorite teams. let's face it: if you dish it out, you have to take it in return. and i can't ever be accused of making excuses for my teams -- if they perform poorly, i am the first one to acknowledge it, and to give credit where credit is due.

what i can't take is being let down by my team.

something i have always prided the Patriots organization on is their insistence that players act in an appropriate manner, both on & off the field. it seemed petty that people were giving Brady a hard time about his child with Bridget Moynahan when really that was none of anyone's business -- and then all the rampant rumors that he was also expecting a baby with his current girl friend as well, which, it turned out was nothing but bunk. then came the recent suspension of Rodney Harrison for taking HGH. that smarted a little, because i thought New England held its players to higher standards than that. but instead of denying or making excuses, Rodney confronted the situation head on, owned up like a man, apologized sincerely, and accepted his punishment. i was willing to take that, and to frown at the smudge it left, but let's take this lesson & learn from it.

when the season started last Thursday, i took a deep breath & felt like we were ready to put all this nonsense behind us, and just play some football. the Patriots had a great opening day. i found myself feeling that delicious anticipation that comes with the prospect of a very exciting season.

and then yesterday afternoon, the storm hit.

i tried. i tried really hard to believe that my team wouldn't really do this. i mean, what do they have to gain? and they were suspected of this in the past not once, but twice, in Detroit & Green Bay. how dumb do you have to be to try it again? especially with people aware you've been accused before, whether or not anything came from it? they had to know people would be watching. they couldn't possibly be that stupid... could they?

and just now, sitting here in my living room, eating dinner in front of ESPN, they announced it: Commissioner Goodell has decided that the Patriots did, indeed, illegally record the Jets sideline with the intent of picking up signals. the Patriots will now be given a chance to defend their actions & explain their side, before a final determination is made, and possibly penalties handed out.

listen. when i feared the Patriots might suffer through some sort of controversy this season, that fear was directed solely toward the acquisition of Randy Moss. i never in my wildest dreams would have believed -- or could even have conjured up -- the possibility of something this distasteful & classless. and if Belichick knew, if he was involved... let's just say, innocent until proven guilty, however my respect for Belichick is in serious question.

but the bad taste is in my mouth now. i feel like i've been duped into believing they were above this sort of thing. i feel like the Patriots have disgraced themselves. and i am embarrassed for & disappointed in them. they are still my team, but i feel as if they've sold out on me, stealing some of my joy in their deception. and that it will need to be earned back.

i hope they have an explanation that makes this all go away. i hope that more than i can express. but i have to be honest. i don't think there is an explanation. i think they did it. i think they're guilty. and i think there needs to be consequences. i think there should be fines, draft picks taken away, maybe even a coaching suspension if it comes out that Belichick knew about it. and you know what? if the league office says that the win on Sunday should be forfeited, i would be just fine with that too.

because if you know me at all, you know how i feel about dishonesty...