As I was sifting through my Google Reader today, I happened upon a quote that really appealed to me, Tumbled by a bloggy friend. At the time, I couldn't have possibly seen the foreshadowing.
Clouds come floating into my life, no longer to carry rain or usher storm, but to add color to my sunset sky.
Rabindranath Tagore
I left work this afternoon. I made my daily stop at the post office to drop the invoices in the mail & to check my PO box. I got back into my car--my car that had worked just fine three minutes prior--and as I shifted into reverse, I felt something wrong. There was this ominous shudder & the engine was unmistakeably rough, the timing on some engine part I will never hope to identify was, without a doubt, very much off. I rolled the car forward again and just sat there for a moment. I don't tend to worry a whole lot anymore. But this? This is one of the few things I dread.
I should point out that I have a love-hate relationship with my car. Despite many reassurances when I signed on a dozen dotted lines that this car would grow on me, well, it's been eight & a half years, and if it's possible, I actually hate it more. Its one redeeming quality: it's been paid off for close to five years now. That & it's stayed running with only a few minor maintenance issues. I am quite aware that I am on borrowed time before something goes very very expensively wrong.
And now...my car is acting undeniably unhappy.
There was a time when I would have made a phone call with much trepidation, unsure of what would answer me. Disdain? Annoyance? Accusation? No answer at all?
But today, I flip open my cell phone without hesitation. I press a couple of buttons. I say "I have a problem... I need some help." And someone comes. There is no harsh edge to his voice, no sigh of exasperation at the inconvenience. Just a calm "I'm on my way."
Clouds come floating into my life, no longer to carry rain or usher storm, but to add color to my sunset sky.
Rabindranath Tagore
As I sit on his couch while he assesses my car for the cause of its misbehavior, I think back. I think back to the turning point when the cloudy moments first began to give way, not to storms but to beautiful sunset. I recall another time I picked up a telephone & dialed a phone number, a different one, though no less reliable. I said no more than "Please come get me," and through a carefully designed plan that two people had discussed well in advance of my plea for help ("Take car. Go to Mum's. Kill Phillip - "Sorry Phillip." - grab Liz, go to the Winchester, have a nice cold pint, and wait for this all to blow over." -- Shaun of the Dead), someone came. That was the beginning, really, of my belief being rebuilt that someone would come when I needed help. That no matter the inconvenience, no matter the distance or the time or the reason, someone would be there. We believe these things as children, but as adults, when life teaches us more ruthless lessons, that blind faith no longer springs readily.
As I drove home this evening, I looked up at the sky. It had rained earlier, but now the sky was filled with breaking clouds and the setting sun painted it deep red & rich purple, brilliant orange edged with glowing gold. I haven't seen a sunset that breathtakingly magnificent in years. On any other evening, I would have spent that drive into the sunset longing for my camera. But tonight, I just drove in silent reflection of the timing of that quote finding me on *this* day.
Clouds come floating into my life, no longer to carry rain or usher storm, but to add color to my sunset sky.
Rabindranath Tagore
Indeed. A thousand times over.
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