Message received.

I keep thinking about something that was said in church: how what comes out of your mouth is a direct reflection of the condition of your heart. If the words you speak are hateful, angry, bitter, designed to hurt, then it's time to look inward & open your eyes to the fact that you need to do some work on a very diseased & damaged heart. A heart that is whole & happy, at peace, is the only way words of compassion, gentleness, kindness & love can be spoken.

Like anyone of us, I am human. I fail. I have days when the words I speak are not...the ones I should be speaking. They are meant to tear down, to "put someone in their place," or simply to spew out the nastiness that builds up from my inescapable human nature. They give the illusion, at the time, of making me feel better, but if I am honest with myself, eventually, I feel badly for them. I don't like that version of myself. I want the people I love to hear words that build them up, that make them feel loved & appreciated. I don't want people I have casual contact with to walk away, shaking their heads, wondering what made me so cruel or jaded, when I have the opportunity to be pleasant or polite, or at the very least say nothing at all when the words that have built up are nothing of the "nice" variety.

If the condition of my heart will be obvious through the words I say, no matter how I try to sugarcoat it or deceive myself otherwise, then I need to be conscious of the shadows that lurk, waiting for just the smallest chance to creep in & begin cluttering that space with all things dark & vengeful. Human nature is ugly. When I am reminded of that, forced to see myself in the mirror, I know that I can be quick to justify that ugliness or to pretend it was anything other than what it was. But when I acknowledge how full my life is, how richly I have been blessed, I am shamed when my words reflect a heart that is anything but filled with joy & gratitude. There are many reasons I can point to when my heart becomes hard & dark, but ultimately, it is up to me to choose the tools I have been afforded that restore my heart to peace. I can always do better.