in the absence of Remy & Don, i bring you...

the never-before-shared communications between RSN-FL and RSN-West, brought to you by Verizon Wireless:

(top 2nd)
RSN-FL: and also? hey! Ellsbury can hit in the 9-hole!
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(top 3rd, 2 on, 0 out)
RSN-FL: ok um out now please? oh! double play! and only the Molina remaining. Molinas are widely known for being even slower than Dougies.
RSN-West: i keep envisioning the guy from Animal Planet skulking around and saying "we're now observing the wild Molina! renowned for being slower than the wild Dougie..."
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(bottom 3rd, Sox up 4-0 and Manny reaches on a wall ball double)
RSN-FL: hits? what are these hits you speak of? am confused. so unfamiliar.
RSN-West: lemme splain. those big toothpicks are actually hitting the balls.
RSN-FL: bizarre... i didn't know ours did that...
RSN-West: it has been known to occur by accident sometimes. it helps if we threaten them the day before.
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(bottom 4th, Pedroia on second, Jon Miller & Orel Hershiser discussing his height as Papi crushes one to right field)
RSN-FL: Pedroia wants to be measured in his spikes standing on cement?? Papi says "measure this!"
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(bottom 5th immediately following JD Drew stealing second & brushing off his pant leg)
RSN-FL: Drew seems like a guy who is very neat & orderly. he presses his clothes. his hair is always neat. he does not believe in facial scruff [see: Pedroia, Dustin]. so do you think the dirt on his white pants from Grand Theft Larceny is going to bother him the rest of the night?
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(bottom of the 6th as Youk singles Ellsbury over to third)
RSN-FL: do you YOOOOUK at your tv when you are watching Sox alone?
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(top 7th, ESPN announcers discussing the trade deadline)
RSN-West: you're damn tooting it's concerns about the bullpen, Orel!
RSN-FL: the thing is, they are schizophrenic. at least in 2006, we knew they would suck. now they tease with a good game just often enough to make us crazy when they come in & spontaneously combust.

and with that i leave you to celebrate *not* getting swept. i'm not going to pretend it erased the first two-thirds of the series but we did manage to take advantage of a Rays loss in order to simultaneously pick up a game on them & push the Yankees back a game. now if we can just take two of three from the Angels (i can't bring myself to wish for a sweep, lest i bring down the fury of the baseball gods for my greed), i can start to breathe again a little. wins are imperative, especially with Baltimore cruising into the Bronx and the Rays being hosted by the Jays.