ripping my heart out

it should be no secret to you if you've been reading here for very long that music & especially song lyrics strike a huge emotional chord with me. in fact, if i can't identify or connect with the lyrics, no matter how much i like the sound of the music, i will never really love the song. i think there is a conspiracy in the music world this morning to make me cry though.

started the day off by seeing the premiere of Gary Allan's new video "Best I Ever Had". the ache in that man's soul is so raw & intense it's almost painful to see. he looks haunted. this the first video i've seen him in since his wife took her life back closer to the beginning of the year. he just looks so dark & hurt now...if you're familiar at all with his videos, you'll maybe understand what i mean when i say that even if he was singing a sad song, there used to still be a light about him...and it seems to be struggling now to avoid being completely extinguished. i can't shake the way that video made me feel. (there isn't a video code available for it yet but when it is, i'll add it to the player...)

so i get in the car. first song that came on was "Go Rest High on That Mountain" by Vince Gill. that song really gets to me. i can't hear it & not think of my Grandpa & his last few years with us as he suffered from Alzheimer's. i hear that song & tears just roll down my face. especially: "I know your life / On earth was troubled / And only you could know the pain / You weren't afraid to face the devil / You were no stranger to the rain / Go rest high on that mountain / Son, you work on earth is done / Go to heaven a shoutin' / Love for the Father and Son". and when i hear that song, i can't turn it off. i have to listen.

recompose. change the station. hear Trace Adkins on a morning show talking about his latest single "Arlington", sung from the perspective of a soldier who gave the ultimate sacrifice & is being buried in Arlington. here is this huge man, rough around the edges, getting all choked up talking about how this song came to be & i was already on the edge. of course i had to listen. there isn't a video code for this yet either but i will put it up as soon as there is. in the mean time, here are the lyrics to "Arlington":

I never thought that this is where I'd settle down.
I thought I'd die an old man back in my hometown.
They gave me this plot of land,
Me and some other men, for a job well done.

There's a big White House sits on a hill just up the road.
The man inside, he cried the day they brought me home.
They folded up a flag and told my Mom and Dad:
"We're proud of your son."

And I'm proud to be on this peaceful piece of property.
I'm on sacred ground and I'm in the best of company.
I'm thankful for those thankful for the things I've done.
I can rest in peace;
I'm one of the chosen ones:
I made it to Arlington.

I remember Daddy brought me here when I was eight.
We searched all day to find out where my grand-dad lay.
And when we finally found that cross,
He said: "Son, this is what it cost to keep us free."

Now here I am, a thousand stones away from him.
He recognized me on the first day I came in.
And it gave me a chill when he clicked his heels,
And saluted me.

And I'm proud to be on this peaceful piece of property.
I'm on sacred ground and I'm in the best of company.
I'm thankful for those thankful for the things I've done.
I can rest in peace;
I'm one of the chosen ones:
I made it to Arlington.

And everytime I hear twenty-one guns,
I know they brought another hero home to us.

And I'm proud to be on this peaceful piece of property.
I'm on sacred ground and I'm in the best of company.
We're thankful for those thankful for the things we've done.
We can rest in peace;
'Cause we are the chosen ones:
We made it to Arlington.

Yeah, dust to dust,
Don't cry for us:
We made it to Arlington.

i think the only thing that could have punched me musically in the stomach any harder this morning would have been hearing Sherrie Austin's "The Streets of Heaven". can i just tell you that i am NOT turning on the radio in the office this morning? i think i'll stick to surfing blogs that play music i know is safe.