if you're a guy, you just want to skip this one.

still reading? ok, well... if you are one of the male faithful readers of this little blog (which counts for about two of you out of the five readers i have), don't say i didn't warn you -- *twice* in fact -- to stop reading right here. if you continue beyond this paragraph, that's your own fault.

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ok so... yesterday i had my annual *ahem* doctor's visit. and unless i have been i have been receiving less than standard care up to this point in my womanhood, i think you might just be a little jealous. not that i got to go, because who wants to go *there*. but if you have to go, who wouldn't want the Cadillac version, right?

for starters, they asked me to get there thirty minutes early, because i was a new patient. i arrived at 3:30 for my 4pm appointment. you know how doctor's offices are though. the later in the day you arrive, the longer you wait for your turn, because you are dealing with the back-up from the whole day, and people who were late for their appointments, and people who took longer than anticipated. so imagine my astonishment when they called my name at 3:40.

secondly, i had a pillow on the exam table. and not one of those cheesy little travel pillows. it was a real, honest-to-God pillow.

next, it wasn't 40 degrees in the exam room, with icicles hanging from the a/c vent & penguins needing to be shooed out of the way of the nurses.

and now for the best part: you know how you always get the stupid little paper gown? the one that is almost more of an insult than just standing there in your birthday suit? the one that does nothing to save your dignity or protect you from frost bite? and then the little paper cocktail napkin to put across your knees? so you're laying there, teeth chattering & lips blue, the paper all crinkling from the shivering & blowing in the a/c breeze. and you'd try to go to your happy place but you can't get there because you're half numb.

except for here. because it's not cold, and you have your nice little pillow. and... the gown is big, like wearing your father's bathrobe when you were a kid. it covers everything & practically goes to the floor. and there isn't a napkin, but a sheet, of generous size, that cover not just one knee cap, but almost your entire body. and. it's all--every last bit of what they give you--real, actual *cloth*.

do these kinds of doctor's offices still really exist? have i really been missing out on something here all along, and thinking it was the norm?

or, while you're probably not all that envious right *now*, when your next annual comes around, as they always do, are you going to look at the paper gown, so short you wouldn't be allowed through airport security, in the arctic exam room, and then be just a smidge jealous? because based on my former experience, i know i would be. who knew this kind of doctor's office still existed?? surely not me!