Monday Stream of Consciousness: July 26, 2010

I found myself in A Mood on Sunday. If you've had much contact with me at all, I am (annoyingly) positive. I try to find the best spin to give any situation & do my best to keep a good attitude. After what seems like weeks of nothing but negativity from the vast majority of people I come into contact with online, my happy nature finally gave in to the bitter assault. I just couldn't take it anymore. Rather than join them, though, I decided to step back. See, the thing is, I don't *like* to be negative. Sure, I have my moments when I complain or get annoyed. But I don't like to dwell on it. I say my piece & I do what it takes to move on. And I do my best to share a little sunshine when it seems someone is lacking. But Sunday? I had reached.my.limit. I went to church (I hadn't been in a few weeks for various reasons) which always improves my state of mind. I have an hour or so to just be. No contact from the outside world. No interruptions. I can just breathe & re-center. It restores my inner peace. But I didn't stop there. I got home from my usual Sunday errands & tackled some projects--and I avoided all but a small group of people I knew wouldn't threaten my tenuous sense of balance & calm. I cleaned out & re-organized my refrigerator... my freezer... my pantry. I did laundry & put away some belongings that had been left straggling about my home. I flipped through some magazines so I could add them to my recycling basket. When I am stressed, clutter adds to my tension. So I clean. And while I keep my hands busy with tasks, my subconscious works on the mental clutter. I tidy up, file away, toss what isn't needed--figuratively & literally. I needed that. I managed to get my Mood Threat Level from red down to orange. Which means I remained on guard but was out of the danger zone of being totally sucked down by others. By this morning, I was safely to Mood Threat Level: yellow, protecting my mood but not to the point of isolation. My optimistic nature may seem relentless constant, but even I have my limits...and I am not afraid to protect my mood when I need to, even if it means the friend who is always there to pick everyone up & dust them off & listen & fill their glass back to half full has to downgrade availability to "almost always." Someone has to keep my well from running dry, even if it means I have to be that someone, looking out for myself.