"we are not nice guys" and other important notes

note to Boston's pitching staff:
when the offense scores you some runs in an attempt to get you back in the game, the idea is to not undermine their efforts by giving runs right back when your opponent takes their next turn at bat. we are not nice guys. we do not return favors.

note to Theo "Boy Wonder" Epstein:
the commercial you do on WEEI for Beth Israel Deaconess Medical Center. you know...the one where you say: "Some people think following the Red Sox for a whole season can be hazardous to your health..."--yeah. this would be funnier if it wasn't so damn TRUE. quit trying to be a funny man & find us some *real* middle relief would ya?

note to Tito:
you really need a direct fax line in the dugout with you. RSN West & RSN FL need to confer with you a bit on some of your choices of late. we also need to talk you out of such things as putting Julian Tavarez into a game that we are already getting knocked around a sickening amount. i know that you don't have many options for relief. take this up with Theo. NOW.

note to Josh Beckett:
we love you in Boston. but really, it is ok to pitch around guys who send a ball homer-bound that will need a passport ready when it finally lands. if you don't pitch around the first guy who will do this & he sends a *second* ball out of the park, maybe consider doing this to the guy right behind him in the line-up who also embarrassed you in this fashion.

note to Mark Loretta:
we miss you. hurry up & feel better. we need your bat. desperately.

note to Toronto Blue Jays fans attending the game on May 30, 2006:
chanting "Manny sucks" will only accomplish making him laugh at you. this is MANNY we're talking about. chanting it on his birthday? when the Sox are getting their collectives butts handed to them on a wooden stick? that's just not classy.

note to Roger Clemens:
we need you in Boston. repeat may day, may day, The Rocket is needed in Boston. YESTERDAY. or tomorrow.